Playing the Angel
by sonryz
Summary: This is a story about angels. Golden angels of light, kind angels of strength. And one, born of darkness yet playing the light, sin of what never was... Envy finds a small girl in his path, and gives her life. In return, she gives him her utmost devotion.
1. Angel

**- 1 -**

This is a story about angels.

Golden angels of light; kind angels of strength.

Warrior angels, guardian angels, angels of passion and fire.

And one, bright shadow, born of darkness yet playing the light, sin of what never was...

_Harbinger of Death..._

:--:

Lost.

Darkness.

And the gentle falling of rain.

_Home..._

:--:

Light padding footsteps.

Being looked over.

Crouch.

Prod.

I moan.

"So you _are_ alive." The voice is gratified, then puzzled; I can feel its confusion through the haze of my consciousness, sparking my own.

_Why do you care...? Are you an angel? Am I..._

_...dead?_

_Help me..._

The darkness is coming back.

Eating at my mind.

_Drowning._

I whimper, try to curl into a ball.

_Be light... light, be light, light, light..._

"...oi."

I start to shiver.

"Oi...!"

_Hikari desu..._

An exasperated sigh.

"Look, are you waking up or not? Only you're blocking the way."

Something hot and wet streams down my grimy cheeks.

"Oi...!!"

_The gentle falling of rain._

"Ugh...! Fine."

A grudging acceptance.

The unnerving sense of flight, when your body is moved swiftly, suddenly, and your senses are left behind and soaring ahead of your physical self at the same time.

A gentle swaying, like the gentle, soothing rocking as you curl up in your mother's arms.

And warmth.

Light.

_Hikari desu..._

A word as yet unknown to me before this encounter whispers into my mind, voice of an angel:

_Safe._

Safe, despite the darkness creeping in, eating at my defenses; beyond everything that's happened _the light, the light..._

_This light will lead the way._

An overwhelming need sweeps through me, and I struggle to force my eyes open.

Green.

Deep as emotion, wisping lightly as he walks.

A pale face, reptilian features, smooth smooth skin like ivory, purest marble.

I fight my own sluggish body to lift my arm, driven by a desperate, irrational desire to touch that fair skin, stroke his smooth cheek: cashmere beneath my fingers.

His eyes flicker down to my face.

Black.

No, purple.

A deep purple, violet, indigo, deep, fathomless, infinite, and old and ageless and...

A shimmering light.

Evanescent greens; flickering in and out of shadow.

_And shadow and shadow and shadow..._

I feel my fingertips brushing lightly against his face.

_It's so cold... how can he be so cold, so light...? Feels... feels like... stone... cold marble..._

_But so warm._

"What are you looking at?"

I let my lids slip shut, my hand drop back to my stomach, whisper in a voice husky with lack of use,

"You..."

"Hn."

I smile sluggishly.

_Warm._

"You're a funny looking angel, mister..."

I feel his chest jerk beneath my head, his light chuckle, sardonic, rising above the distant echoes of damp and dark.

"'It's hard to find angels in Hell', kid."

"Then I... must be luckier... than... I thought..."

He doesn't answer.

Echoing dampness.

And a soft, warming light.

* * *

: sonryz :  
So, what d'ya think? Anybody like it? Hope so, 'cos it's continuing anyway! XD I realize Envy's probably a bit OOC, but this is partly because of the girl idolizing him too. That's my excuse, anyway. : D

'Playing the Angel' is going to be more or less manga based, which is rather different from the anime. It may contain some spoilers up to recent chapters as well... Hard to say so early on, but you've been warned. : P

So anyway, here's to my first long series fic, people. And by the way:

:-hikari desu -- light-:


	2. Monster

**- 2 -  
**

"Jackie."

I frown, and try again.

"Jackie Hunt."

Somewhere in the darkness above me, I know he's listening, waiting, maybe more anxiously than he'd care to admit, for a verdict.

I smile indulgently and nudge my nose back into the pillow.

"I think I like it."

:--:

"Well, well," drawls the dark beauty in the corner. "What have we here, my fellow monster? A human?"

He scowls.

"That's right Lust, a human. _My_ human, you understand? She's not to be harmed."

I feel something awkward inside me, and presume it to be apprehension.

_What are these people? Monster? He isn't a monster, he's light, and warm, and..._

"She's pretty," rasps a voice.

My gaze flicks fearfully towards the sound while the rest of me shifts instinctively behind his lean form.

A large, rather rotund being is squatting next to the beautiful one - Lust - and sucking on one finger.

It grins at me.

"Pretty, pretty!" it sings happily.

"Th-Thank you," I murmur, flashing it a nervous smile.

The Lust one smirks lazily.

"Will you look at that, Gluttony, it talks," she says throatily. "It's even polite. Have you got a name, then, little pet of a monster?"

Apprehension again, mixed with a tinge of anger.

_Stop calling him that. Stop it... he's not... he's not a monster! He's... he's..._

She lifts one brow expertly, unimpressed.

"Well?"

I hesitate, then give her my new name reluctantly.

Lust smirks wider.

"Mm... 'Jackie'. I suppose _you _named her that?" She directs the question to him.

"Yes," he shoots back irritably. "And she likes it. Don't you, Jackie?"

I nod vehemently.

I do.

He gave me a name.

He gave me life.

And I like them both.

"_I_ like it too," comes a new voice from the darkness.

His face contorts sharply, then smooths, the only trace of irritation left haunting his dark eyes.

_Who is it now, that makes him look like that...?_

The newcomer steps from the shadows, slouching easily towards us until he is right in front of me, and grins a grin full of shark-like teeth, eyes flashing over small circular dark glasses.

"Nice to meet you, kid," the newcomer greets me, bending down to brace one arm on his knee and jerking his other thumb at himself. "The name's Greed. I'm your new best friend."

This one - Greed - holds out his hand.

"Fuck off, Greed," he growls, slapping away the newcomer's hand. "I don't want you to have anything to do with her."

Greed fakes a face of hurt.

"Aw, but Gluttony's right; she's so _pretty_." Here he shoots another glance at me, something undeterminable flashing across his eyes before continuing airily, "Maybe keeping her around will make _you_ prettier, you ugly bitch."

His face contorts again, and doesn't smooth. The shadows in his face deepen, darken, and his voice is low and throaty.

"Fuck off," he growls again. "Arrogant shit, just _piss off!_"

Greed just smiles an amiable smile my way, and says, "See you around, kid. Don't let ugly get to you."

And then he is gone.

Lust chuckles to herself, pushing off the wall she had been leaning against.

"Well done, dimwit; let's see how she reacts to_ that _display." Another self-indulgent smirk is sent my way. "Take care, little pet."

She strolls out of the room, the round one scuttling after her.

When they're gone, he slams a fist into the wall.

"Goddamn bastards..."

"What's wrong?" I ask, taking his other hand.

He looks at me, sullenly, I think, then closes his eyes almost tiredly and growls.

"...nothing. Let's go. There's one more person you should meet."

:--:

"This is the Father."

The man sitting before me is old.

He looks like a middle-aged man, but I can tell he's seen too many years to be called anything but old. He has dark honey eyes and long dark golden hair that somehow looks unkempt despite its neatness.

The Father stirs.

"...Who is this, child?"

He bows stiffly.

"Jackie Hunt. The human I brought from above."

The Father nods, turns his gaze to me.

I bow hurriedly, await his acknowledgement.

"...I see." The Father turns to him. "Very well. Take care of her if you will. This place," he addresses me again, "is always open to you."

I bow again.

"Thank you very much," I whisper.

The Father indicates the figure standing behind him to come forward.

"This... is Wrath. He has come here specially to see you, Jackie Hunt. Say hello."

"Hello," I address the figure, and bow again awkwardly.

It nods, and bows, exposing its face to the minimal light.

Black hair, tanned skin, an eye patch, a grim expression turned wry smile, then shadow.

The Father nods again in approval.

"Good. Now leave. And don't come back."

* * *

: sonryz :  
Well, yeah. Sorry if it gets a bit confusing as to who's talking when Greed comes in, I know it seems a bit strange... Also, it was only _after_ writing this that I realized Wrath shouldn't be there yet if Greed is still with the homunculi... Please forgive the muff-up, if anyone cares. -.-

:-whady'athinkwhady'athinkwhady'athink-:


	3. Sunrise

**- 3 -  
**

An arm drapes itself over my shoulder languidly.

"Happy Birthday, Jackie," he murmurs into my ear.

I nod, in a daze, eyes wide and glowing translucent crimson, drinking in the landscape before me.

It's a sunrise.

Simply the beginning of a new day.

But it is my first glimpse of sunlight since he found me, took me down into the darkness three years ago.

And it is beautiful.

I never want it to end, though I know it will burn me up if I watch it too long, lose myself in the light, the light...

It peeks over the rooftops, one shaft at a time, cutting slowly, painfully, through the gloom of early morning. Then it seems to rush silently over the horizon, a torrent of shimmering sunflakes enveloping the dull city like a lazy tidal wave, rolling over skyscrapers and hovels, gently coaxing the city to waking.

Finally, as the city begins to hum in consciousness of the new day and the sun seems to sigh softly, the city safely enveloped in its warm glow, I close my eyes and turn to smile at him.

"It's beautiful," I murmur, wrapping my arms about his small waist. "Thank you..."

He's smiling at me, I think.

A real smile, not just his usual smirk or devilish grin.

I hug him tighter, something squeezing inside my chest gently.

"I want to go back inside now," I say softly.

He blinks, and I feel his brow is creased slightly beneath his headband.

"Don't you like it?" he asks, his voice lilting in --thankfully-- curious confusion. "I thought you'd like to be outside today, with other people."

I shoot a wistful glance at the sunbathed city out of the corner of my eye, then quickly push my face back into his chest, turning my back on the outside world and its inhabitants.

I shake my head stubbornly.

"It's too beautiful for me. It's so... light... clean... I can't... I'm not used to it. Take me back inside. Please. I... I don't belong there.

_"They don't need me there."_

He watches me for a moment, or perhaps he is looking out at the city. Then he takes me by the shoulder and leads me back into the shadows.

_"...hn. You're going to have to get used to it soon, little one. Like it or not, you belong there more than with any of us..."_

* * *

: sonryz :  
Pretty fluff filler plus foreboding final dialogues. What else can I say?

:-reviews are much appreciated, reviewers much loved-:


	4. Goodbye

**- 4 -  
**

"Mmph...! No... no, Greed, what are you--stop, stop it--!"

I struggle half-heartedly in the darkness, strong cold arms gripping me tightly, so tightly; I feel my fingers tingling, starved of blood, straining to fight off the cold grinning shadow on top of me.

I feel his hands, cold and hard, crushing me against the wall.

I feel the terror threatening to override all other systems.

I feel...

"Greed... Greed, st-_stop_ it! STOP IT!!"

A deafening crack.

A shaft of light, his shadow black as the ace of spades.

Dark.

Angry.

I feel Greed being hurled off my body and gasp, the terror draining suddenly and leaving me weak and lightheaded.

Blood rushes into my cold fingers; I try to sit up, clenching my eyes against the darkness, _his_ darkness.

_Be light..._

I hear grunts of pain, his carnal cries of rage.

I fumble to button my shirt back up; fingers scramble across the stone floor for my coat.

Then collapse lightly against the wall, let the last of the fear leak from my chest, let my heart resume beating.

And wonder why.

Another crack as the door is slammed shut.

My eyes slip shut in relief.

He is still here; I can feel him, still angry, glowering darkly in the gloom.

Artificial lights flicker into life.

Still dark.

Cold.

I open my eyes to look at him.

_Still dark..._

I struggle to my feet, stumble--

He's already there, holding me up.

Like always.

I smile gratefully.

"You saved me..."

"Yes. And it won't happen again."

Harsh.

Sharp.

_Dark._

I don't look up at him.

"...So. Are you sick of me finally? Are you tired of having to look after your foolish, weak little human charge?"

"Not as such."

I am crushed to his cold hard body, and I look up at him, but he's not looking at me, just hugging me fiercely to him, looking at the darkness, scowling at it, angry, dark, _why are you still dark? _so beautiful, pale face, dark eyes, soft hair, _light, be light..._

"That's it," he whispers. "That's _it_. I won't have you here anymore."

_Light... please, the light..._

"I won't have him --or _her_-- do this to you again. It's too risky for you to stay here any longer."

_Don't..._

"Come with me now, little one. You'll leave this place tonight."

_Don't leave me in the dark._

:--:

I'm crying.

Or is it just the rain?

It doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

He takes my hand, kisses my temple softly.

_So warm..._

"Be strong, little one; I'll find you again soon. And Jackie...

_"Don't look back."_

And then I'm running.

Crying.

(Or is it just the rain?)

_"Goodbye... Envy."_

* * *

: sonryz :  
Aw, this makes me kinda sad. D : Perhaps a little cliche? but still sad; things are cliche for a reason, after all. : )

:-feedback and thoughts of all kinds are welcome-:


	5. Fire

**- 5 -  
**

That was nearly half a century ago.

Since then I've travelled all over Amestris, scraping by through various occupations, most of them to do with performing feats of alchemy for food, shelter, supplies; necessities for life.

No, for existence; _life_ is with him.

_With Envy..._

I avoided all the big cities for a lot of that time, sticking to smaller towns and villages; in the beginning, I wasn't ready to face the atmosphere of a city. The gentle hum of busy lives, crowded streets, high emotions; it was too much like home.

_Too close to home..._

The towns I did go through all held the same sort of lilting feeling for me; drowsy, laid back and quiet. Close-knit towns where everyone knows everyone, helps everyone. No danger there.

But I couldn't relax.

The darkness... no matter where I was, the night would eventually fall and the darkness envelop me, take me home to my nightmares.

Every night was the same: crouched in the corner of the room, against the bed, under a spindly tree beneath the clear night sky...

Watching.

Always watching.

And waiting, to be swallowed up by the shadows, to be pinned against a cold stone wall, a hard concrete floor, the rough sheets on a bed.

From the time the sun left this world for the next until it lightened the skies once more in the dawn, my heart would thump heavily in my ribcage like a drum, incessant and painful, ever alert.

And _terrified._

Until the sun rose above the far horizon and lifted my fears and chased the shadows back home.

But... this wasn't home.

I haven't been home in years.

So many years…

The point is that there was no danger here; they wouldn't reach me here.

Nevertheless...

I traveled an insomniac, unable to rest for the underlying, barely contained and completely _irrational_ fear that consumed me whenever I paused to close my eyes.

After all, I'd left my light behind...

It wasn't all so bad though, I guess.

My aimless wandering, sleepless nights... they didn't last all _that_ long.

A decade.

Maybe two.

I forget.

The point is... I found something.

A light to keep me going until he called me again.

An intense, passionate flame...

:--:

_"Hoi...! Hoi!! What are you doing out there?"_

_I looked up through the heavy rain._

_"Well? Are you mad? Get in here!"_

_A boy was leaning out the top window of one of the buildings lining the empty street._

_Hazy warmth, flickering light, blustery emotions._

_He disappeared._

_I trudged on._

_"Hey!!"_

___A warm hand on my shoulder._

___"Hell, are you mad?"_

___"You already asked me that."_

___"And? Jeez, what are you, inhuman? It's freezing out here!"_

___I blinked, held out a hand for the falling water to pound soothingly. "It's just rain." _I like the rain.

___The boy shook his head in disbelief, already steering me back towards the door he'd left open._

___A friendly flickering light whispered within, and a sodden sign flapped feebly above the door:_

**LightMetal & Flame**

___A flurry of movements, none of it hurried, all of it blurred._

___A warm bed, soft blankets being urged around my body; I don't remember changing, or being dried off._

___"What...?"_

___"Ah-ah-ah-! No questions, no buts, no arguments. Sleep."_

___"But..."_

_"Sleep."_

___I struggled to see him through the haze of warmth overcoming me._

___Blurred and fuzzy._

___Undefined._

___But..._

___An incredible warmth._

___I sighed, and relaxed into the soft blankets._

Oh well... he's fire... that's... okay... I guess...

Fire is more dangerous than light.

But… so warm...

___I slept._

:--:

And that was enough to make me stay with him for just over twenty years.

Nicolas Roëncroitz, owner of _LightMetal & Flame_, just another metalworker shop in the automail crazy town of Rush Valley, though Nicki himself was anything but 'just another', if having worked with me for two decades without aging was anything to go by.

Anyway, I worked under him in the shop for all that time, fitting customers with artificial limbs and assisting in the painful connection of automail and nerve endings with a cool towel, hot drink and kind words, smiles.

I helped balance the accounts and chase up debtors; I cleaned up before and after fittings, and sometimes even helped to make some of the parts.

But automail jobs were strictly his; I wasn't allowed to so much as _breathe_ on his work. Like all the other mechanics in Rush Valley, Nicki took huge pride in his work, and was damned if he was going to give anyone reason to doubt it was all his.

And for good reason; the charismatic redhead had an uncanny manipulation of fire, and the shop had a good rep and lots of regular customers.

Of course, not all of them were there for the automail; Nicki could charm more than the fires in his forge. With quick wit, bright smile, and mischievous glittering green eyes, he was well known for being good with his hands.

And with automail, too.

He was childlike and playful, but he had a strong fire burning in him as well, passionate and so... _excitable_. Always running hot, always eager for a thrill, for a good time, for another drink, another girl, another laugh.

He was a good guy, a fun guy.

And since I met him...

I never had another sleepless night.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Filler chapter! Long and annoying, but necessary, I guess. XP

Added another OC to the mix too, Nicolas Roëncroitz, or Nicki. Make what you want of him.

:-i love reviews-:


	6. Calling

**- 6 -**

And then they came.

The military.

The never-happily-after ending to my broken fairytale...

:--:

"Wow!"

The young man flexed his new leg experimentally.

"It's fantastic! And so strong!"

He grinned at me.

"I dunno what it is, but there's somethin' about the way you make 'em, Jackie, makes me feel all tingly when I walk."

"Probably the goosebumps from the cold metal," I smiled.

"Nah, s'just your good work, mate."

He flexed the new limb again, face alight.

"Well, I'll pass on the compliments to Nicki," I laughed. "He loves happy customers; blows his head up like nothing else. Be sure to come in if there's any problems; it's a bit heavier than the other one because we wanted more durability what with you stomping around all day, but..."

"Nah, she'll be right," the man said, swinging himself up genially. "You guys really know how to work the metal! Thanks a bunch, Jackie! I'll be sure to take good care of it."

"You'd better."

I waved him out the door and shut it after him with a soft jingle.

"Well, at least _he's_ happy..."

I shot a wistful glance at the closed door at the other end of the room, and started to head upstairs to my room.

The bell above the door gave another sharp ring.

I paused, turned back.

"Sam? Did it break alrea--?"

"Sorry to intrude," said the man at the door, "but is there a Miss Jackie Hunt at this residence?"

I frowned, suspicious.

_Those uniforms... they look like..._

"Yes. Yes, that's me. How can I help?"

The man gave a charming smile, and dipped his blue cap. "Sorry to intrude, miss. I'm Colonel Roy Mustang; this is First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. We're from the military."

"The military?" _I thought so_. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, no, not at all," the man - Mustang - laughed. "Only, we're recruiting, and your name was on the list."

I frowned.

"My name? But I didn't--"

"I know, I know," Mustang smiled. "We're here by request of the Fuhrer King Bradley. He's heard of your expertise in alchemy and wishes to have you on the force."

_The Fuhrer? Sounds like a higher-up. What does he want with me...?_

"Alright then," I said, even more wary for the strangeness of the call. "I guess you'd better come in..."

They sat themselves on the stools at the workbench, and I went over to rap on the other door.

"Yo, Nicki! We've got guests; if you're any kind of host you'd better show your ass."

Then I went to make some tea.

Soon after, a tousled head of orange hair with bleary green eyes poked out of the gloom.

It moaned.

"Jackiiiiee? What the fu--?"

I gave a sharp nod towards the two officers.

His eyes instantly sharpened and he stood a little straighter, emerging completely from the room and closing the door behind him carefully with a soft, definite click.

"Ah, forgive me officers, I didn't see you there." He stuck out a hand. "Nicolas Roëncroitz, owner of _LightMetal & Flame_. How can I help?"

"Colonel Roy Mustang," replied the man, shaking his hand. "This is First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. We're here for Miss Hunt."

"Jackie? What's happened? She's a good girl; what does the military want with her?"

I sighed. Nicki usually held together pretty well, but when he started rattling off like that I could always tell he was getting worried.

Perhaps they noticed as well.

Perhaps not.

"She's in no trouble, I assure you." Mustang smiled his charming smile again. "We're here recruiting."

"For the military? Jackie, you never said--"

"She's not volunteered, but news of her alchemic skill has reached the Fuhrer's ears, and we'd very much like to have her as a State Alchemist. We're here to escort all willing to Central for assessment."

"State Alchemist..." Nicki murmured. His hand found its way to his chin, slender fingers caressing the smooth skin lightly. He shot a calculating glance at me. I shrugged, and served the tea.

"Thank you very much," the woman - Hawkeye - smiled. It was amazing how such a small twinge of the lips could soften her sharp face so much. "It's been a long journey; you don't know how refreshing this is."

I just smiled and nodded.

Mustang took a sip and sighed.

"Of course, we understand this will come as a shock to you both," he commented, "so we're willing to give you a few days to think it over."

"How many days exactly?"

The colonel thought for a moment.

"Three. We'll be in town for three days. We can't wait any longer than that."

"I don't need three days."

Three pairs of eyes looked at me questioningly.

One of them was decidedly panicky.

"If it's the Fuhrer's will," I continued slowly, "then I will accompany you to Central and become a State Alchemist."

Mustang smiled. "You realize, of course, that there are rigorous tests to be passed? Examinations?"

I shrugged. "If the Fuhrer thinks I can do it, then I will try."

_And I will succeed_.

"Jackie... Jackie, are you sure?"

I looked at Nicki comfortingly. "Yeah. I've been here too long, anyway."

I think he recoiled at that, and I amended, "Not like that. Never like that. But you know what I'm like. Restless. I'll come and visit, you know, when I can. And I'll keep in contact, too. Phone and all that."

Mustang made a discreet cough and rose, carefully placing his cup back onto its saucer and somehow finding a spot amongst the mess on the workbench to place them both down.

"Nevertheless, we won't be leaving for three days," he informed us, signaling for the woman Hawkeye to rise as well. "For now, I think it best that we leave you to think this through thoroughly."

"_Do_ think seriously," Hawkeye advised. "Being a State Alchemist is a rough occupation, especially if you're old enough to be called into a war zone. Be careful in your decision; don't be hasty."

I nodded my thanks, and the two saw themselves out the door.

Nicki took me into his arms.

"...Are you sick of me?"

"Don't be daft."

"Then why are you leaving?"

"Because I've been summoned."

"You don't have to go. You can stay, if you want to."

"I do."

Bright green eyes roamed over my face questioningly.

"I want to stay, Nicki. Really I do. I love working with you here. It's been nice, settling down for a bit, but... I think it's time to move on again."

I looked out the window, eyes unfocussed and blank yet bright.

"He's calling me, Nicki. I have to go and find him again. Why else would they have come? A call back home to Central; it must be a message. I don't know who this Fuhrer really is, but... He's sending me a message. From him. I know it."

"What message?"

I looked at him again, smiled sadly.

"It's time to come home."

* * *

: sonryz :  
Heh, Mustang. XD I realize by the time Jackie's being recruited he's probably too high ranked to be bothered with such tedious tasks as recruiting, but this is the Fuhrer calling the shots and I wanted Jackie to meet him so nyeh. ; P

:-reviews make me happy like chocolate-:


	7. Dogs

**- 7 -  
**

"Uwaa!!"

I pressed my nose to the glass of the express train, eyes bright, drinking in the sight of the city greedily. It was almost like it called to me, welcoming me back.

Opposite me, Roy Mustang chuckled.

"Never been to a big city, Jackie?"

I smiled at him. "Not exactly. I grew up in this city, only... only I didn't get to see much of it. I hardly got out, because I was always sick."

Something strange crossed the colonel's face. He turned to look out the window.

"I see."

I smiled sadly in turn, and looked out the window again longingly.

_Envy... I'm home._

:--:

"This is Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc," Roy introduced, indicating a man with light brown hair and a cigarette dangling jauntily from his lips. He smiled at me, and flicked a hand casually in welcome. "And this is Sergeant Vard Falman, Private Kain Fuery, and of course Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda. And you know First Lieutenant Hawkeye."

I bowed in turn to the men lined up before me, and to Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"It's an honour to meet you all," I said politely.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Miss Hunt," the little one, Fuery, replied.

"Please, it's just Jackie."

The men nodded. Roy cleared his throat.

"Well men, I expect all of you to take good care of Jackie--"

"Like you haven't been already, boss," Breda grinned.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, how come it took so long for her to get here, eh, Mustang?" Havoc grinned, leaning back leisurely in his chair. "You been keeping her holed up somewhere all to yourself? You know sharing is caring."

Roy sighed exasperatedly.

"Honestly, have you lot no faith in me?"

"Well, you do have a history, sir," Hawkeye murmured quietly.

"Damn right he does," Havoc whimpered, waterfall tears streaming from his eyes. "Stealing all my dates, charming away all the girls; some friend you are..."

Roy's temple pulsed.

"Just... you know what, where's Hughes?"

"I believe he's in Central, sir," Hawkeye replied, "he's taken a few days off for his family."

"Perfect."

The colonel shrugged his coat on again, beckoned me briskly.

"Hunt, you're coming with me. The rest of you, do some work."

I nodded and bowed hurriedly to the others.

"Ah, it was nice meeting you all," I said quickly. "I hope we can have more to do with each other in future!"

"We do too, sweetheart," Havoc winked.

Somewhat flustered by this, I bowed again clumsily and stumbled out after the colonel.

:--:

"This is indeed a momentous encounter!!"

Somewhere inside my head, a little voice was going 'eheheh...', the tiniest sweatdrop slipping down the side of my face.

Beside me, I could sense Roy's initial trauma was transforming itself into a pulse mark.

I smiled nervously.

"Major... Armstrong... the Strong Arm Alchemist?"

"Indeed that is my title!"

_My god, this guy has little pink sparkles zipping around his head..._

Aloud, "It's, uh, very nice to meet y--"

"A joyous meeting indeed!" agreed the major with an extravagant show of muscle. "I am hugely honoured to make your acquaintance, fair maiden of the military!"

"She's not military yet, Major," Roy interrupted, calming down and adjusting his collar. "She has yet to sit her assessment. Though," he smiled at me, "I feel sure she will have no trouble."

To my horror, I felt something like a blush heating my cheeks.

"Thank you, sir," I murmured, cursing inwardly. _Goddamn smooth operator..._

"Colonel!" Armstrong admonished. "Do not tease the girl so! You should know better than to unleash such potent charm on an unsuspecting maiden! You'll overwhelm her!"

Both Roy and I sweatdropped.

"Indeed..."

A small cough and the colonel nodded. "Of course, my apologies. But we really must be going now. Jackie?"

I nodded, and smiled tentatively at the major.

"Major Armstrong."

Even as we walked away down the corridor, I could feel the little pink stars haunting my daymares.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Haha, I love writing about Armstrong. XD So, here's Part One of the Central saga. It was originally one chapter, but then I decided it was uber long and that I wanted to split it up into two... So you get double update this time! : P

On another note, unfortunately for any Envy fans, our favourite palm tree haired homunculus isn't going to be showing up for a while... I'm going to have a bit of fun mucking around with the miltary dogs instead... But have no fear, I'm sure he'll be back with a vengeance, ready to pulverize me with a meat tenderizer for cutting him out of the story for too many chapters...

:-major armstrong wants your comments-:


	8. Hughes

**- 8 -  
**

"Jackie Hunt, eh?"

The man smiled, stuck out his hand casually.

"Maes Hughes, Lieutenant Colonel. I hope Roy hasn't been giving you any trouble? He does have a tendency to get carried away with pretty young girls."

"Ah, no, not at all," I smiled, taking his hand. _It's so warm... _"The Colonel has been taking good care of me."

"I see."

Hughes threw an arm around Roy's shoulder conspiratorially and murmured lowly into his ear, "Been holding back have we, Roy? She must be something special if you're taking such care to not rush things… good man. I mean," An even lower whisper: "...it's about time you found a wife, after all."

R:-sigh-

H: -grin-

J: ...

**"EH??"**

R: -.-;

H: -gringrin-

J: O.O

I clapped a hand to my mouth, a hot blush spreading across my cheeks.

"Oh my god... oh my god I'm sorry, I-that is-I mean, I didn't even know I could _go_ that high, I just--"

Hughes was laughing.

"I see why you'd wait on this one, Roy; she's a real nice girl. However..."

Hughes's expression became serious.

I halted my protests, forced the blush from my face and waited.

Hughes closed his eyes, and...

"This is my beautiful daughter Elicia! Isn't she just so adorable? _I know!_ She's the cutest little thing! And so clever! You know she's reading now? And she's not even three yet! Oh she's the sweetest thing! She can read 'cat' and 'dog' and 'antidisestablishmentarianism', though I'm not quite sure how that last one managed to get into the alphabet book… oh, they must have known our clever little girl could do it!"

I just stared and nodded, a fixed smile plastered on my lips uncertainly as the excited lieutenant colonel rambled on happily.

Roy just sighed.

"To be quite honest," he said over the other man's gushing, "I'm quite impressed that he waited this long. Usually it's the first thing he says. Oh, and by the way," he addressed Hughes, tapping him on the shoulder as the other man leaned towards me to show off a wad of photos he had in his wallet, "no two-year-old could _pronounce _'antidisestablishmentarianism' let alone read it."

"My Elicia can!" the lieutenant colonel protested. "See, I recorded it and everything..."

"Hughes," Roy sighed, "can you help or not? You know Hawkeye won't let me off on this one."

Pouting mightily, Hughes stuffed his photos back into his pocket grumpily.

"You have no love," he grumbled, then rubbed the back of his head and grinned. "But you know I'll help. You have to come over for tea sometime, though. Gracia isn't a woman to keep waiting."

"I'll get Riza to pencil it in somewhere. Thanks, Hughes."

Roy turned to me. "You're going to be staying with Hughes for a little while. He'll show you around Central today, seeing as I'm tied down to the desk." He made a face. "You can still come to me for anything about alchemy in the military, alchemy in general; you know where my office is."

I nodded.

"Sir."

"And," he smiled, "don't call me that. It's Roy. I'm not your colonel yet, Jackie Hunt."

A nod at Hughes, a small wave and he left the bar.

Hughes grinned at me.

"Well then, Miss Hunt; shall we go exploring?"

:--:

"Papa!"

A little girl with brown hair in two pigtails was leaning out of her mother's arms, reaching out wildly to her father.

"Elicia!" Hughes laughed, taking his little girl and spinning her around. The girl squealed.

"Papa!! Put me down!!" she giggled.

Grinning widely, Hughes settled the girl in his arms and kissed her on the nose. He bounced her lightly.

"Look, Elicia, this is Jackie Hunt. She's going to be staying with us for a little while."

The little girl turned and smiled at me, giggling.

"Jackie! Are you Papa's friend?"

I smiled.

"Sure am."

"Oh, oh, can we be friends too?" The little girl was bouncing up and down anxiously in her father's arms. "Oh _pleeease?"_

I smiled. _So cute._

"Of course."

"Yay!"

Elicia laughed and buried her face into her father's neck.

"See? Jackie's my friend too!"

"That's right," Hughes smiled. "How could she not want to be friends with such an adorable little angel!" He tickled her and smiled at his wife.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked, kissing her on the cheek.

"You know I'd have called you if anything new happened," she said, smiling warmly.

She turned to me.

"So, Jackie is it? Welcome to our home. I'm afraid the back room is a little cluttered right now, but the bed's been cleared so hopefully there's enough space for you there."

"Ah, thank you very much, Mrs. Hughes," I smiled. "I'm very grateful for all this. I hope I'm not causing you too much trouble, only I don't really have enough money for proper lodgings right now..."

"Don't worry about it, it's our pleasure," she replied, ushering us all inside. "And call me Gracia. I hope you'll enjoy staying with us."

"I'm sure I will," I smiled.

* * *

: sonryz :  
_"Sure am."  
"Of course."_  
_God_ I suck with kids. -.-;;

:-kawaii kawaii reviews and chocolate-:


	9. Test

**- 9 -  
**

"Practical?"

Roy nodded from behind his steepled fingers.

We were in his office, the colonel seated behind his grand mahogany desk and me standing before him.

"You've passed the theory quite remarkably. Now you have to perform a practical display. This is to examine your physical fitness and stamina as an alchemist."

I nodded.

"The date is set for the fifteenth. The Fuhrer will be present to watch all aspiring alchemists. Be ready."

"Sir."

I saluted, and left.

Both our faces, I felt, bore tiny, barely-hidden smirks.

:--:

"Jackie Hunt, age eighteen, practical assessment for acceptance into the military as State Alchemist. Please step forward."

Somewhere in my chest, my heart ought to have been beating madly; my stomach should have been overflowing with butterflies.

Maybe it was, somewhere.

I swept my clear crimson gaze across the assembled crowd of alchemists and military dogs, shot a glance at the judging table, and received a small shock.

_That man, with the eye patch... he looks like... I _know_ him..._

The man in question looked at me subtly, and I felt sure his amiable smile widened ever so slightly, and his uncovered eye twitched at me.

Mine almost twitched unbidden in response, followed by a barely repressed sweatdrop.

_It's... Wrath..._

The sun was bright, glaring down on the assembly. The clay was hot and dry, but workable.

Turning to survey this, I sighed, crouched down, and began to draw swiftly, accurately. The crowd murmured in approval.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

Rocking back on my toes, I sighed lightly, placed my hands to the circle traced in the dirt, and gently urged the power out. The circle glowed bright blue with alchemical power, and a giant box shot up from the ground.

There were confused whispers spreading throughout the crowd, frowns and subtly pointed fingers, disdain, contempt.

I tried very, very hard not to scowl at them all.

_Ridiculous_, I thought irritably, taking a knife from my person. _Do they really think the best I could do was create a giant earthen box? Honestly; I'm not finished yet..._

I cut my hand, let the blood hit the dusty earth.

More gasps, frantic murmurs.

_Oh get over it. It's just a bit of blood._

The thick liquid fell reluctantly, and seeped sullenly into the cracks, and I smiled.

_Good. At least you're acting more like proper blood this time…_

Clapping my hands together lazily, I bent down again and placed my palms to the hot earth.

The box glowed briefly blue.

Immediately after, a dull red spike shot from the earth and struck it, splitting it open with a deafening crack.

I stepped back, hands in pockets, watching as the walls fell aside to reveal...

A giant serpent, its tail coiled, head raised and glaring at the crowd with dark red eyes. Alien markings rippled crimson over its body, glowing briefly before settling to a sullen maroon colour.

Its ruby eyes seemed to flash in the sunlight, squinting round at its audience.

Yet more gasps and murmurs.

_...hn. Not too bad, I suppose. Could have been more detail to the head, though..._

After a time, the announcer regained his voice.

"Th-Thank you, Candidate Hunt. You may return to the waiting room until the final judgment is reached."

I shrugged, bowed to the judges and headed back into the cool confines of the waiting room.

Shrewd black eyes watched me go.

* * *

: sonryz :  
...Jackie is such a show off. -.-;

:-i like balone and feedback-:


	10. Secret

**- 10 -  
**

"I know your secret."

I blinked. An interesting greeting, even from the colonel.

"Sorry?"

"I know how you performed your alchemy without a circle. That was foolish."

"Why?" My voice, to my horror, was dangerously close to a whine. "It's how I do things. It saves time. It's _easier_."

"And showy, and foolish," he finished for me. "It also means you'll be under a lot more scrutiny now, Miss Blood Alchemist."

I looked at him for a few moments, unsure. Mustang sighed.

"Yes, you've passed. Obviously. After that display... well, they could hardly pass Edward and not you..."

I struggled for a bit, trying to grasp at the hints he was dropping.

"So I'm... the Blood Alchemist?"

"Correct. The Fuhrer noticed your technique of enhancing your alchemy with your blood, a feat he'd very much like to investigate with you. No one's ever heard of blood being used as a catalyst for such a display."

_Well obviously; no one has blood quite like mine... _"And you've heard of the alchemy without a circle thing, right?" I ventured. "This... Edward?"

Mustang nodded. "Edward Elric. He came here maybe three years ago now, with his little brother Alphonse. He used the same hand-clap technique as you. He was twelve."

"Twelve!"

I reeled at the implications.

"I'd actually be more inclined to exclaim at your age, Jackie," Mustang frowned. "You should know better."

I scowled sullenly. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me. I know their story, the Elrics'. What's yours?"

I didn't answer.

"Jackie." The colonel was looking at me very seriously. "You're not a child; I know I don't have to explain the seriousness of this to you. You _know_ what it means. This is alchemy's greatest taboo: human transmutation."

"I know that!" I snapped. "What's your point?"

"I need to know why you did it, Jackie. I can't protect you if I don't know what I'm dealing with."

"You mean you want to cover your ass."

"...That too," he conceded, a small smile flickering across his lips briefly.

I looked him over suspiciously.

"What's their story? The Elrics?"

"That's for them to tell you. No doubt you'll have a chance to ask them yourself. Now, Jackie; tell me yours."

Something about this man was not to be denied.

No...

He was not to be distrusted.

_Just don't mention his name._

I took a breath, and remembered.

:--:

_"It was when I turned eighteen. Something came back to me. A memory, from a past that wasn't mine, but was."_

_"How do you mean?"_

_"It was... a past life. Memories from a past life. I used to be... well, we won't go there, but... There was a boy. And we were in love. And he died."_

And it was very much my fault.

_"And knowing this, and living in this world of alchemy..."_

_"Yes. I tried to bring him back."_

:--:

Something _had _come back.

But it wasn't human.

It wasn't even alive.

No writhing or moaning or pain-filled cries.

It just... _lay_ there, a horrible gooey mass, steaming in the cold air, and very much dead.

There was no smell, no horrendous odour or sense of terror like there should have been. After all, I had just ripped something from its grave, forced it into the living world once more. I should have been _horrified_.

But there was nothing.

It was just... disgusting.

And pitiful.

I scraped it off the stone floor, recoiling from it, hating the undignified way of it all, and washed it away down the gutters of the back alleys.

Then I set about cleaning up the evidence.

And as I worked, I wondered; what had gone wrong? Obviously it was _always_ going to go wrong, but... Surely what I received was going to at least be _alive?_

And that was the other thing. For that mass of dead sludge...

...what had I lost?

No limbs were immediately identified as missing; my eyes, ears, tongue, nose, all fingers and toes were present, as were all my senses. I felt no emptiness of lost internal organs, and this was later confirmed by doctors many years later.

So, according to Equivalent Exchange, what had I lost?

One could ask, what had I gained?

But that's just silly.

It doesn't work like that.

I had gained that mess on the floor of the basement. It was of no use to me, but I had gained it and so I had to have paid for it with something.

But what?

:--:

"What indeed," Mustang murmured. He looked up at me.

"Well? What was it that you lost that day?"

I shrugged.

"I'm not sure if you'll believe me."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"It's quite ludicrous. Unheard of. But I can't find any other explanation for it."

"For what?"

I didn't answer.

"Jackie...?"

"That day," I murmured, head turned to look blankly at the wall, "I lost no physical part of myself. In exchange for the dead thing in the circle, I lost my own ability to die."

Mustang's eyes widened. He leaned forward, though I knew his instincts really told him to push away from me.

His knuckles were white as he grasped the edge of his desk.

"What...?"

"That day, Colonel...

_"I lost my mortality."_

* * *

: sonryz :  
-cue dramatic music- Dun dun _duuuuuuunnnn!_ Jackie has a dark past and lots of mysterious secrets! That's because this is where I start to make my OC special (or a cocky know-it-all, depends on your point of view) so that the other characters can pay attention to her and we have a story!

Hopefully. -.-;

And please forgive me for the horrible cliche whatchamacallit of Jackie having a past life, I realize it's quite... how do I say? Lame? -.-;; (Am I wrong? Ease my fears. XP)

Oh, and don't read too much into who Jackie was trying to resurrect; it's a character from another one of my stories which is never going into print, so bear with me, please, and forgive the not-revealing-ness. XS Anyway, the main thing is that he wasn't actually human, so Jackie thought the transmutation would work better, but instead it just made things more complicated and she lost something more than just some physical aspect of herself and gained something quite different from what is 'usually' produced from human transmutation attempts.

Whew. Hope you got all that. -.-

:-peanuckle peanuckle one two three-:


	11. Equivalency

**- 11 -  
**

"Edward Elric."

The blond head ahead of me turned, and I was met with the deepest amber-gold eyes I had ever encountered. Like thick, sweet honey they were, like liquid amber, marbled depths bright and knowing yet innocent and strong.

I cleared my throat; cleared my mind.

"Edward Elric," I repeated. "You _are_ Major Elric, aren't you? The Fullmetal Alchemist?"

The boy nodded suspiciously.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's me."

"Then that," I pointed to the suit of armour behind him, "must be your little brother. Alphonse, am I right?"

"Ah--! Yes! Yes that's me! Nice to meet you, uh..."

I smiled. The little one was sweet.

"Sergeant Jackie Hunt."

Edward eyed my uniform. "You a new dog around here?"

"Brother!" the armour protested.

"It's OK. I guess I am. This, though," I plucked at the uniform, "is temporary until I can get myself some new clothes. It's been a while, you see, and my old clothes aren't really up to scratch."

"Hn. So what do you want with us?"

"No need to be so guarded. Only, Roy suggested I meet up with you two."

"Colonel Shit sent you?"

I laughed long and loud at that.

"Colonel Shit? Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Huh. So, who are you to us?"

"The Blood Alchemist."

I smiled at the recognition widening the boy's eyes, the way they flicked to the silver chain hanging from my belt.

"You... You're the one who--!" He lowered his voice. "Performed alchemy without a circle?"

I nodded.

"Then you--"

"Not here. We _are_ kinda blocking the corridor, if you'll recall."

There was a brief, almost guilty silence.

"We've got dorms here at the moment, if you'd like to talk there," the younger one ventured.

I smiled genially. "That would be lovely."

:--:

"So... it was your mother."

The younger nodded. Edward just looked sullenly out the window.

Night had fallen over Central; I could almost feel the shivers coming on, and shook my head furiously.

_He's not here, he can't get me here..._

"Jackie-san?"

"Hm?"

"What... did you lose? Trying to bring your friend back?"

I averted my gaze guiltily. They'd told me their whole story without hesitation, shared with me their goals: to find the Philosopher's Stone, and restore their bodies.

And I had merely confided that I had tried to being my very best friend back and received a dead mass of slop.

I hadn't even told them that I could help with their quest...

:--:

_"Jackie? Little one, what are you doing all the way down--"_

_He stopped dead in the doorway, stared at the array I hadn't been able to scrub away properly. His eyes flickered to my slumped form, crouched against the wall, exhausted._

_"Jackie!" He grabbed a hold of my shoulders._

When did he get there?_ I thought sluggishly. _He moves so fast...

_"Jackie, tell me you didn't try to bring him back. The one from before, the one you remembered; you didn't just try to perform a human transmutation...?"_

_I couldn't look at him._

_"...I thought it would work," I croaked, tears leaking down my cheeks. "I thought... because he's not human... because he's _more_ than human, he could..."_

_"Help himself over? Foolish."_

_I felt his scowl, the anger in the way he threw the word at me._

_And his concern in the way he gripped me, searched me anxiously with deep amethyst eyes._

_"What did you lose? What's happened to you? You're not missing any limbs, or organs..."_

_I shook my head._

_"Envy..."_

_I clung to him, sobbed quietly into his chest._

_"Envy, what's happened? I'm not... I'm still whole! What did I lose? What happened?"_

_I don't know how it happened; everything was a bit fuzzy, disorganized, out of sync. One of the glasses must have shattered, or I must have knocked over something as I tried to get up, cut my hand on some miscellaneous sharp object I'd missed when cleaning up._

_Either way, Envy had cursed and reached for a cloth to clean up the blood._

_Then he paused, stared, holding my hand and staring at the blood in... horror? Hunger? Surely not; as far as I knew, Envy didn't have a blood fetish._

_But..._

_"Jackie," he whispered huskily. "Jackie, what..."_

_He suddenly took my hand, placed the cut to his lips. I felt his tongue running over it lightly, and shivered._

_His lips caressed the wound, pulling the blood gently into his mouth. I felt sure he was close to moaning._

_I started to shake._

_"Envy...?"_

_The spell was broken. Slowly his lips relinquished my hand, and he closed his eyes for a moment._

_"Jackie," he told me, looking up at me seriously. "Your blood... it's not human blood anymore."_

_I frowned at him, scared. What was wrong? Why was he looking at me like that?_

_He glanced away awkwardly._

_"You've lost your humanity, Jackie."_

_"What? H-How can that...?"_

_"I don't know. Perhaps, as you say, because _he_ was not human, your loss was not simply a matter of a limb or organ. But you're not fully human anymore, little one. This liquid of life flowing through you... is a liquid of death._

_"The Philosopher's Stone runs through your veins, Jackie Hunt."_

:--:

I shook my head again, clearing it of unnecessary memories. My left hand clenched instinctively, keeping the scar cutting jaggedly across my palm – and the sins it represented – safely in my grasp, and tried to convince myself they were better off without it.

The Elrics were better off not knowing...

"Jackie?"

I started, glanced at the younger brother still waiting for an answer.

"What did you lose?" he repeated.

I faltered.

"I... I'm not sure."

Edward's attention snapped up.

"You didn't lose anything?" he asked. "You performed taboo alchemy without losing _anything?"_

His automail fist clenched, and I bowed my head. I understood how unfair this must have seemed.

"Did you see the Gate?" he demanded.

Caught off guard, I nodded. "Yes."

"What did you see?"

"...everything," I whispered. "Everything about life, this world we live in, about my own existence and of those dearest to me."

_That my soul is truly immortal, that should my body, now greatly invulnerable to death, in fact die, if the remains are cremated and scattered to the winds, returned to the Mother Earth, my soul will live on._

_And that Envy... Envy is..._

"Then you saw it too," he muttered. "And you gained the Truth, the ability to use alchemy without the circle. But why didn't you _lose_ anything?"

I looked away again, guiltily.

Night had well and truly fallen.

Inside, I debated furiously with myself as to whether or not I should confide in them my secret, the secret they were searching for.

Then I glanced at the flustered Edward, pensive Alphonse, and my resolve strengthened.

_No. No, they don't need to know. They don't deserve that; they're still _children...

_...This is gonna bite me in the ass one day._

* * *

: sonryz :  
I think that's pretty much it for Jackie's secrets; hope everyone gets it. : P Something tells me a lot of these loose threads and hints of secrets aren't going to be tied up, so if you have any queries I'm happy to explain some things. Sorry if the incompleteness is bugging you.

:-loves being a know-it-all smartass annoying pain-in-the-ass thingy person-:


	12. Waiting

**- 12 -  
**

"So; you're off again."

The elder brother nodded grimly.

"To Risembool, our hometown. It's where my mechanic lives. We have to get Al fixed up."

"So brother needs to get his arm repaired," Alphonse added from his crate.

I smiled sympathetically at the younger brother. It must have been horrible, being treated like luggage.

"Jackie?"

"Hm?"

The elder Elric looked away suddenly, almost pouting.

"What is it Ed?"

"I... well... I mean, you've traveled nearly everywhere; why don't you come with us? Meet Winry and Pinako and the rest. We could show you our old hometown, and..." He faltered, forced himself to plough on. "...and we could work together to find the Stone, restore things to how they were. You've got the experience, the skill, the--"

"Inhumanity," I murmured. "Indifference. Self-interest."

"Eh?"

"Don't worry about it," I muttered hurriedly. _Stupid girl..._

Edward didn't look convinced.

"...Never mind, then. So won't you come with us?"

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my new coat, and looked up at the sky. There wasn't much of it to be seen; too much cloud cover, city smog.

I smiled wryly.

"...heh, no, I don't think so. I've been traveling for a long time, and... Well, I think things are how they're meant to be."

At Edward's disbelieving stare, I just grinned and ruffled his hair. He scowled irritably.

"I'm not unhappy with how I am," I continued. "After all, greed and selfishness and dissatisfaction with perfectly good situations are stupid human emotions, and I don't hold much with _them_. And this is my home; I haven't been here in years, and now that I've been summoned back... well, let's just say I'm waiting for a sign."

Another soft smile.

"You boys go exploring, adventuring; I've done my bit. It's up to you to fix what you think is wrong, and I'll not help nor hinder you unless your interests find themselves in the way of mine."

Edward was still scowling a bit, frowning almost suspiciously. I had to laugh.

"Don't worry, pipsqueak," I said, grinning at his furious protests about his height, "I'll still be here, when you get back, so you can tell me all about your travelings, your adventures, your discoveries. Surely you know I'll be here to listen to whatever it is you want to say."

Pouting mightily, Edward nodded sullenly and sighed.

"Fine. Come on Al; time to go."

"Goodbye, Jackie-san," the crate said, attempting a bow.

I smiled, and waved as Major Armstrong hefted him onto his shoulder. "Send my regards to Winry, if my name comes up."

"We will," the younger promised. "Bye!"

As I watched their train pull out of the station and chug out of sight, a thousand musings ran vaguely through my mind, though strangely enough the most prominent was: _We ought to introduce their Winry to Nicki someday..._

* * *

: sonryz :  
A short chapter on I-have-no-idea-what.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

:-just passing time-:


	13. Scarred

**- 13 -  
**

"Right; I'm off guys."

Heels clicked together and I saluted the others.

Roy smiled, nodded.

"See you tomorrow, Jackie. Do you need an escort? It's dark out already; some shady characters around…"

"I'll be fine, sir," I assured him, "thank you for the concern. Goodnight everyone."

I nodded to the other officers and left the building.

Walking into the clear night air, I felt my nose itch and rubbed at it irritably.

_It's not even cold…_

I started to walk home.

It was a still night with a quarter moon hanging in the sky. The city was all shadows and opaque white light.

And more shadows.

"…so. When were you planning on jumping me? This alleyway would be fitting, don't you agree?"

The Ishbalan known only as Scar stepped out of the darkness in front of me, dark skin milky white in the smooth light of moon.

"I was not going to ambush you," he stated.

"No, you were just going to deconstruct my face, am I right?"

He was unmoved.

"I will return all heretics and sinners to Ishbala."

I scratched my nose, frowned.

"Now there's concept I'd like to understand. Why?"

"Because all sinners deserve death. I will grant them that oblivion."

I thought for a moment.

"Would that not benefit them? Helping them leave this shambles of a world for the next paradise?"

Almost absently, I held out my left palm, looked sadly on the scar cutting across the pale skin.

Memories were held within this mark of my sins, memories of a time when life was short and pain was real.

And the memory of throwing it all away for this one scar that would not heal…

"If all we deserve is death for our sins," I murmured, "is not oblivion a mercy?"

"Yes. For you, and those that would have suffered at your blood-stained hands," Scar replied, voice strong with faith.

I almost laughed.

Grinning sardonically, I snatched at the air with my left hand and thrust the opened fist towards him, revealing the mark of my sin.

"_My_ blood-stained hands? I have spilt no blood but my own, herald of Ishbala. Consider your own right hand before pointing its blood-stained finger at me."

"I spill the blood of heretics to purge the world of sin," Scar growled loudly, thrusting his hand into the ground and deconstructing the ground beneath my feet.

Cursing, I leapt away from the destruction, transmuted a safe platform.

Glaring down at the Ishbalan, I shouted back, "The human race is sin! Sin is born of human nature, a man-made concept residing in every human alive on this earth! Those that you call sinners are merely those with exceptionally weak will. And weakness runs in the species."

Scar's face was set in a mask of resolve, though he did not move nor speak for a long time as crimson eyes considered me silently.

"You speak of such things," he murmured at last, "yet have no care to act upon it?"

I smiled, spread my hands.

"What am I but one being? Care I do, but that is not nearly enough. To 'fix' this world as my eyes see fit would be to obliterate the entire of humanity. Which would be a shame really, because it's only the minority that's shitting up the place; some of my friends are really good humans. But anyway," I grinned, eyeing up the Ishbalan shrewdly, "when it comes to such wide-spread matters, who alone has the right to say what is broken?"

Scar's eyes widened sharply.

"What…?" he hissed.

I nodded, pointed at him, a cruel grin tainting the edges of my lips.

"That's right, Ishbalan. You take matters of the world into your own hand, yet you are only one being like myself. So what is it that makes you think that you have the authority to judge the rest of your species unchallenged, to say what is wrong and how to fix it?"

Abandoning my mocking demeanor for one of wrath, I growled the answer.

"Human Pride. Human Wrath. Human egotism and conceit, the all too human belief that he is the greatest power on this earth, that he is the chosen of the Greater Powers. Some even have the gall to believe that _they_ are a Greater Power, when they're no more superior to any other member of their species. The views of men will always clash; so who on this earth has the 'correct' judgment to say what is 'right'?"

Scar's face contorted; his hand slammed into the wall, destroyed my platform before he lunged at me, right arm outstretched as I skipped away to a flat area of street.

"We must do what we can!" he shouted angrily at me. "We must do what we believe is right! How else can we live, ease our consciences?"

I set my jaw.

"Yes, we must do what we think is right," I muttered, "if only to learn of our own folly, the foolishness of human arrogance."

Memories flood my system: belief in power, in ability, in being able to bring him back…

_'Jackie... your blood... it's not human blood anymore...'_

My fist clenched; my palms itched to transmute.

"But tell me," I growled shakily through gritted teeth, "how can you justify easing your conscience with the taking of another human life? Isn't that just more of human sin, selfishness? Hundreds of lives for your one moment of peace—"

"Worthless lives," Scar shot back, "of sinners that defaced this world Ishbala granted us, made it one of suffering!"

Palm to the ground, and the street split up the middle again.

Scowling, I transmuted a stairway into the wall of the building beside me, rushing up and snapping back, "Lives that meant the _world_ to another soul! Think how many people have effectively died after losing their husband, father, brother...!"

Scar jerked his hand back, the deconstruction halting suddenly.

I took a deep breath, controlled my own anger.

"To take the life of one of your own kind," I murmured lowly, "...no other species does this, not for such a petty reason as to ease a twisted conscience. What kind of monster finds peace in the death and pain he is fighting to obliterate?"

Scar was silent, crimson gaze fixed sullenly upon the ruined alleyway.

"There are two sides to every coin," I said calmly, forcing back my rage with philosophy: the only form of reason I could muster. "Consider both before you deem a man as evil and worthy only of death. Consider that the man who works as a military officer is the same man who does so because he loves his child, loves his wife, loves life and needs the money to preserve all three. Consider the concept of 'evil'. It lies in the heart of every human that walks this earth, alongside the goodness that balances it. There is a universal balance; sin must have virtue, light must have darkness and within the darkness light."

"We must do what we can," he said abruptly. "We must do what we can, to atone for our sins."

I sighed, smiled amiably.

"Indeed, little Ishbalan. Do what you can, for what you think is 'right'. But remember: two sides. Whether you acknowledge them or not is up to you, but never assume that you know everything. And everything is what you need to decide what your god has planned for this world."

I grinned, jumped lightly off the steps and shoved my hands into the pockets of my coat.

As I walked past him, I added offhandedly, "Just live your life, Ishbalan. Choose your path carefully, and follow it faithfully."

He made no move towards me, but as I reached the end of the street he spoke:

"Leave this place, State Alchemist, before I must return you to our god Ishbala."

I smiled, let my eyes slip closed comfortably.

_Brave little Ishbalan; foolish. Where will this path take you then, faithful pawn of god?_

And in the darkness of my heart:

_Where will mine take me…?_

I walked on.

The moon reclaimed her silence, and the city of Central drowned in her light.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Wow, tons of philosophy that's actually... rather... depressing. -.-; Erm, sorry for all the rambling in this chapter; I think I'm trying to prove something to myself with all this balance of light and dark stuff...

:-self-proclaimed pessimist apologizes for ruining scar-san's chapter-:


	14. Warmth

**- 14 -**

"Sir!"

Colonel Roy Mustang paused in his steps, turned, smiled.

"Sergeant Hunt, what a pleasant surprise. How can I help?"

"The Elrics, sir," I said, saluting him. "I heard they're on their way to Rush Valley."

Roy smiled knowingly. "Actually, I believe they're on their way to Dublith, though they may indeed be stopping off at Rush Valley."

"I'd like to ask permission for leave to accompany them."

"Oh? And what should I put this leave down as?"

I turned and walked away.

"Personal interest."

:--:

"Edward!! Alphonse!!"

The two boys turned. Edward grinned.

"Jackie! What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting," I grinned back. "And what are you doing here in… your... underwear...?"

Ed flushed.

"Shut up! It's not like I'm enjoying this!"

"Then why are you doing it?"

Edward pouted.

_"Roll up, roll up, ladies and gents for the automail arm wrestling contest! Only 100 cenz a go! Winner takes the pot!"_

_The man turned to Edward._

_"Hey there, you want a go? Hang on a sec; you're just a midget, never mind. Hoi! Roll up, roll up, people, test your automail..."_

_"Brother," Alphonse started, reaching out to his brother imploringly._

Thud.

_Edward, fuming, slammed his elbow on the table. Automail fingers beckoned tauntingly._

_"Eh?? Ha, the pipsqueak's gonna have a go!"_

_"No way! He can't win against that guy, he's tiny!"_

_Hands gripped, metal on metal, and..._

_"Wow, it broke!"_

_"The pipsqueak won?"_

_"Incredible! How'd he manage to break it like that?"_

_Edward sat back and grinned, obnoxiously pleased with himself._

_"Looks like the junk dealer's got his hands full today," he smirked, tossing the scraps over his shoulder triumphantly._

"Really?"

A girl with long blonde hair standing next to Al sighed.

"No; he clapped his hands under the table and used alchemy to break the other guy's arm."

"That sounds more like it," I chuckled. "That's called cheating, Edward. No wonder you ended up in your knickers."

Alphonse spoke up tentatively.

"Well, actually..."

_"Wow! Such power! Let me see, let me see!"_

_"Me too! Give it here!"_

_"Come on, boy, hold out your arm!"_

_"Such workmanship! This is an incredible design!"_

_"His leg too? Lift your pants up there, kid!"_

_"I can't see properly! Come on, take them off already!"_

"Ah... I, uh, I see..."

Edward glared at me as I tried not laugh. _Typical Ed..._

"Shut up! I told you, it's not my fault!"

"Well, if you hadn't lost your temper, cheated and gained all that attention in the first place--"

"Alright, alright I get it already! Sheesh," he muttered sullenly, "you're a frickin' mother hen, Jackie."

I crossed my arms and slouched my weight onto one leg defiantly.

"_Someone's_ gotta try and keep you two in check, little troublemakers that you are."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE HE CAN'T JUMP OVER A SINGLE BLACK JELLYBEAN??"

"She didn't say that, brother," Alphonse sighed.

Ed just crossed his arms and sulked.

"Yeah, well anyway, between you, Mustang and Winry over there parenting us, we haven't got a chance," Edward grumbled sullenly.

I turned to the blonde girl.

"So you're Winry Rockbell? I've heard a lot about you; it's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance."

Winry nodded and smiled.

"It's nice to meet you too, Miss...?"

"Hunt, but call me Jackie."

"Right." We shook hands. "So, what are you doing here in Rush Valley? Are you into automail too?"

I smiled. "Not as such. But I have a friend living here who is. I used to work with him in his shop with him a few years back, but then I got called into the military. I've just come back for a visit."

The Elrics perked up, looked at me curiously.

"Who's your friend, Jackie?" Al asked.

"His name's Nicolas, Nicolas Roëncroitz. You can come meet him with me, if you want."

"That'd be great!" Winry exclaimed, stars sparkling in her eyes. "Can we really?"

I laughed. "Of course. But you might have to watch out; he's a bit of a smooth operator."

Winry wasn't listening.

"Come on, Edward, let's go! I can't wait to talk to another person who knows their automail!"

"Hey, don't we have a say in this?"

"NO!"

Both Elrics cowered.

"OK..."

"Looks like she's got you two sorted out," I grinned at the boys. "Hurry up and get your pants on, will you Ed?"

Grumbling, Edward did so, then froze. The colour drained from his face.

"Oh..."

"What is it, brother?" Al asked, clanking over.

"I've lost it."

"Lost what?"

"My pocket watch."

"You _what?"_

All three looked at me.

I just stared at Edward, shocked.

"How could you? How the fuck could you just _lose_ something like that?! That's your frickin' identification as a State Alchemist, dimwit!!"

"Hey, get off my case, Hunt!" Edward snapped back. "It's kinda hard to keep track of things when there are complete strangers trying to rip your pants off in the middle of the goddamn street!"

I sighed, rubbed my brow.

"This'll be the work of Bunny," I muttered.

Winry looked at me curiously.

"Who's Bunny?"

"A thief, and a pretty good one at that. I wasn't sure if she'd still be around here, but come to think of it, I guess she wouldn't really have anywhere to go."

"Where can I find this Bunny?" Ed interrupted, yanking on his red coat.

I grinned.

"Down the west side main, a collector's shop called Glatz. But I can't come with you; I've got an appointment with an old friend."

At Winry's shattered expression, I just smiled and said, "Hey, cheer up, Winry. If you do catch up with Bunny, I reckon if you talk to her right she can introduce you to the best automail mechanic there is. His name's Tommy, and he's a bit of a recluse, but he's--"

"ED! AL! Hurry up, we're finding that thief!"

Watching the two brothers get dragged away down the street, I smiled, shook my head and headed down familiar streets to a shop called _LightMetal & Flame_.

:--:

"Hello? Hi, is anyone here?"

"Hang on a sec!" called out a familiar voice. "I'll be with you in two!"

I smiled, and sat on a stool, looking about the room nostalgically.

_Wow… he hasn't changed a bit… this place is as much an ordered chaos as ever…_

A young man with messy red hair walked into the room, wiping his hands on his apron.

"Right, so, how can I help?"

I smiled, rose.

"How about a welcome back hug?" I asked.

Bright green eyes widened and I laughed at his shock.

"Well? Or did you think I was gone for good?"

Then I was in the air being spun around like I was on some sick merry-go-round.

"Jackie!!" Nicki was laughing. "Oh hell, you came back!"

"'Course I did, dimwit," I grinned, pecking him on the forehead affectionately before he put me down. "What, did you really think you could get rid of me so easily?"

Nicki placed his hands on my shoulders, eyes shining as he looked me over.

"Aw, look, you cut your hair," he said, fingering the shortened ebony locks. "What a shame. It was so nice when it was long and loose."

"Yeah well, it tends to get in the way when you're on the field." I pouted, unable to keep from smiling. "Hey, but there's nothing wrong with it like this, is there?"

Nicki smirked, kissed me.

"Mm, of course not," he murmured, nuzzling my neck. "I like it like this, too."

I laughed, and threw my arms around him, holding him tight.

_Warm…_

"_Shit_ it's good to be back."

:--:

The room was dark, and warm.

Somewhere outside, there was another world, but it wasn't important.

Nothing else was important.

Just this moment, this time together, right now.

After all, who knew when the next one might be, if this might be the last encounter?

No one.

So they made the most of it.

The room was light, and full of love.

:--:

I stifled a yawn, trying not to get lulled to sleep by the gentle jerking of the train.

_Mm… so tired…_

"Jackie-san, are you OK?"

I smiled sleepily at the younger Elric and nodded.

"Yeah. Just… tired. Can't wait to get back to Central and—"

"Work your ass off for the Colonel?" Edward interrupted, an evil grin all over his face.

I groaned.

"Aw, Edward-kun, you always ruin my f-f-fuuuunnn…" I yawn. "Man, I'm _knackered."_

"Was your meeting with Nicki that busy?" Alphonse asked.

I smiled ruefully.

"You have no idea." A sly smirk. "But from what I heard, your stay was much more exciting. Tell me again, just how much of the town did you have to put back together, Edward?"

Ed's gaze shifted sharply out the window.

"Just shut up, Hunt. Really."

I smiled, and obliged.

Soon after, I was fast asleep.

The train sped on.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Alright, innuendo! XD Whatever you like can have happened with Nicki; it wasn't supposed to be suggestive, but that's the way it turned out, so it's up to you as to what happened in that 'room full of light and love'. ; D

:-far too -- for her own good-:


	15. Sunset

**- 15 -  
**

"But... but that's impossible!"

Roy looked at me sharply.

"Of course it's possible, it's _happened_, Hunt! He... Hughes is dead."

The colonel's voice cracked and his head turned sharply, eyes hidden beneath the shadow of his cap.

I was almost too lost in my own shock and grief to notice.

Almost.

"Roy...?''

I touched his arm gently.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I just... I know how close you two were..."

Roy sighed, rubbed his brow tiredly. No doubt he'd been having a few late nights, and more than a few sleepless ones lately.

"You make us sound like lovers," he murmured at last, trying to inject some humour into the overhanging gloom.

I smiled weakly.

"Indeed. But... when did this happen? How? Why?"

Roy shook his head, and I bit my lip.

"I don't know. It's what I'm trying to find out. But he was found nearly a week ago, in a public phone booth. Shot. He had been trying to call me, to tell me something. I just..."

A low growl worked its way out of the colonel's throat and he rubbed his eyes again irritably.

I looked at him sympathetically, though I tried not to let it show; I felt somehow that pity would make things all too easily worse for him.

_Be strong. Hikari desu._

"C'mon." I tugged on his sleeve, "let's go somewhere, and you can start from the beginning."

Roy looked down at me, something like surprise on his face.

I smiled encouragingly.

"I cared about him too, Roy; he was good to me, and I..." I took a breath. "C'mon, seriously, let's go somewhere; it's still early, not even five. We can do an early dinner or something, 'kay?"

He gave in.

"Whatever you want, Hunt."

:--:

"Apparently he rushed off to the reference room, as if he'd just realized something," Roy muttered over his glass of brandy. "He must have fought with someone in there; the place was a mess, books and papers everywhere, and his blood trailing off down the hall... Seems he went to make a phone call while injured, but changed his mind and went outside without calling anyone." His gaze narrowed. "He must have found something at the tribunal. The eastern operator said he said, "The military's in trouble"..."

I swirled the contents of my glass thoughtfully.

"And before all that?"

Roy looked at me, surprised again. It seemed the alcohol was dulling his senses, or something.

"What?"

"Before all that happened... where was he? Did he do anything, learn anything that may have made him a threat to anyone?"

Roy shook his head as if to clear it.

"What do you...?"

He stopped, stared blankly at the wooden bartop.

"...do you know anything, Hunt?"

His gaze when he next looked at me was sharp, and accusing, and suspicious.

And it hurt, somewhat.

I growled irritably, allowing a slight form of anger wash away the pain.

"No, because you're not telling me anything!" I snapped back, bitterly downing my drink. "Now answer the damn question: where was Hughes before he started realizing things?"

At his hesitation, I growled lowly, "Goddammit, Roy, you think I didn't care about him too? Coming back to find all this had happened while I was away for such a short time... fuck it, Colonel, I just want to know what instigated this chain of events so Hughes didn't have to die in vain!"

I paused, forced the anger to be slight again.

"If he found something out and died for it, I want to know what it was," I growled tightly. "You understand me?"

Roy sighed, and nodded.

"All too well."

"Then tell me: where was Hughes before all this happened?"

"...well, he... he was visiting the Elrics in their hospital room..."

I took in a breath.

_The Elrics... oh, misfortune always hangs around the Elrics..._

"Who else was there?" I whispered.

"I don't know," Roy said moodily into his glass. "I expect the Major was, Major Armstrong the Mega-Muscle Alchemist, and a couple of his subordinates would have been at the door..."

"Brosh and Ross no doubt," I muttered, getting up and chucking a few coins onto the bartop. "Thank you, Colonel; I have to go."

:--:

"Sergeant Hunt, what an auspicious reunion--!"

"Not now, Major, no time, I'm sorry," I panted. "I need to know what happened when Hughes was visiting the Elrics. You were there, weren't you?"

The major's gaze sharpened, and his face became quite serious.

His resident pink sparkles fell to the floor with a forlorn tinkle.

"Ah. Yes. The matter of Brigadier General Hughes."

I did a double take.

"Brigadier General?"

Armstrong nodded solemnly.

"A double promotion for going down in the line of duty," he rumbled. "A tragic occurrence."

"Indeed," I murmured. "Nevertheless, I need your help to find out why this happened. You were with him, were you not, when he was visiting the Elrics just before all this started?"

The major's eyes narrowed even further, and his voice reached a low, dangerous rumble.

"You dare to accuse me of..."

"No, no it's not like that!" I held up my hands defensively. "I'm just trying to retrace Hughes' steps to see if he did or learnt anything that may have made him a threat to anyone."

"Did you have anyone in mind?" the major queried.

"No," I replied reluctantly. "I'm just trying to get together some information. Can you help me?"

The major remained silent.

I sighed.

"...I see. Then can you tell me, who else was present at that time?"

"The Elrics," he rumbled, "Brigadier General Hughes and myself. No one else was in the room."

"Guarding the door?"

He gave in.

"Second Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Brosh."

I did a brisk salute and was already rushing off down the corridor.

"My thanks, Major Armstrong!"

I felt he was looking after me, face still unnaturally grim.

The pink sparkles cried at his feet.

:--:

"Uh, no, it was just the Elrics, the Major and Lieute--Brigadier General Hughes," Brosh said, scratching his head thoughtfully and shrugging at me.

Ross was looking sullen.

"Second Lieutenant?" I queried. "Can you tell me anything?"

"Nothing more than Brosh or the Major," she murmured, a slight tension to her voice.

I frowned.

_What's going _on_ here?_

I started getting irritated.

"Who's keeping your mouth shut then?" I asked. "'Cos he's sure as hell giving me a pain in my ass."

Ross looked up at me in shock, and began in an admonishing voice, "Sergeant..."

"Don't you 'Sergeant' me!" I snapped. "I'm sick of all of this! For crying out loud, it was a bloody hospital call! A _hospital call!_ And if there's anything more suspicious than retaining information about a fucking _condolence_ visit—"

"Please, Sergeant Hunt," Brosh pleaded, "calm down, there's really nothing we can tell you. We were only guarding the door."

"Well who came past the door then?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Who entered the room, who left it and when and why? Can you tell me _that_, Sergeant Brosh?"

"Hey, stop bossing me around like you're my superior!" he retaliated. "If you're sick of secrecy then I'm sick of people treating me like I'm thick or insignificant or part of the furniture decor!"

"Then stop acting like someone with the IQ of a coat rack, numbskull!"

"The Fuhrer."

I froze, fist half way to connecting with Brosh's skull.

Ross was looking uncomfortable.

"The Fuhrer came in," she repeated quietly, "but he didn't come out the door. From what the Major hinted, he left via window..."

I sweatdropped.

"Our illustrious leader," I muttered sarcastically.

Then the seriousness settled in, and I felt the pain welling up again, an oppressive force expanding in my chest.

I almost choked on it, and turned around quickly, one hand finding its way automatically to my mouth. Crimson eyes flickered across the ground, walls, doorways, seeing nothing.

_The Fuhrer... the Fuhrer knew that Hughes knew..._

_Wrath knew, and Wrath..._

"Thank you, Second Lieutenant, Sergeant Brosh; you've been... very... helpful..."

And almost in tears, I fled silently down the hall.

:--:

"Brigadier General Hughes," I read aloud quietly, "awarded double merit for death in the line of duty."

The headstone seemed unreal to me, the name engraved upon it impossible.

_How could this have happened?_

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks, dripped onto the concrete. I hiccoughed silently, tried in vain to stem the flow of saltwater.

_How could I have let this happen?_

Then my knees gave way and I was weeping before the grave, watering the small bloom of white lilies with my sorrow.

"Oh god, Hughes, I'm so sorry... I couldn't... I should've... it... oh god, I'm so sorry..."

Behind me, the sky was ablaze with colour as the sun pumped the heavens with blood and fire in one last explosion of power before its death.

One last blast before leaving this world.

One last blazing reminder of its existence, don't forget about me, remember my light in the darkness, remember that the dawn always breaks through...

Then it was gone, stolen away by whatever it is that lies beyond the horizon, its legacy already fading into the twilight, then the dark velvet of pure night.

I still hadn't moved, and now knelt hopelessly on the grass, staring in vague horror at the cold stone before me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It shouldn't have been like this... I... I..."

The sun had set, and it felt like the dawn was never, ever going to break the darkness ever again.

* * *

: sonryz :  
-sniff-

Tribute to Hughes, the coolest obssessed father around. That chapter actually made me cry (in the manga, that is). Hughes' death is the only thing that I'm annoyed about when it comes to what Envy's done, so this chapter is for Hughes.  
(should I feel stupid for dedicating a chapter to a fictional character? :S)

Reviews would be very much appreciated.

/brigadier general maes hughes/


	16. Faithful

**- 16 -  
**

"Right; I'm off guys."

Heels clicked together and I saluted the others.

Roy smiled, nodded.

"See you tomorrow, Jackie. Do you need an escort?"

"I'll take her," volunteered Havoc, rising from his seat. "Let's go, Hunt."

I frowned.

"But... hey, hang on a sec, I don't want to make you--"

"Does it look like I'm being forced?"

Taking his coat from the back of his chair, he swung around and grinned at me. "Shall we?"

I gave in.

"Whatever you say, boss."

:--:

"So, where to?" Havoc asked, hands locked behind his head easily.

"Well, I live in an apartment down east end..."

A low growl cut into my speech.

"...but, uh, I was going to stop by the noodle house for some dinner on the way..."

Havoc chuckled and nodded.

"Sure thing. Which one?"

"On the corner of Main and Kingsley, opposite the second hand store."

"Right then, I'll treat you," Havoc said, bringing out a tattered brown wallet.

"Eh? No, I can't let you do that!" I protested, stopping in my tracks.

"Don't worry about it," he laughed. "I have enough..."

He glanced into his wallet and froze.

I peered in.

There were two cenz, and a crumpled receipt from the dollar store.

A cold wind whistled through.

"...maybe _I_ should pay..."

:--:

"Ah... ah that's good...!"

I smiled lazily up at him.

"You like?"

"Oh god yes..."

Havoc sighed happily; I could practically see his floating off into the ceiling.

He took another mouthful of ramen.

"It's so good!" he exclaimed, spinning around on his stool, wriggling about like a small child. "How could I not know about this place?"

I smiled, leant my cheek on the back of one hand.

"I expect you spend you time in more respectable areas of town."

Havoc blinked, slurped up his noodles.

"What are you talking about? This isn't a bad part of town; my girlfriend lived around here--" He faltered. "Yeah..."

I watched as he ate with a decidedly gloomier air, and started worrying.

"Havoc...?" I quested.

He looked up at me through dejected, half-lidded eyes.

"Huh?" through a mouthful of ramen and beef.

"I don't know if I should really be intruding like this, only... is there something wrong? You don't look so happy anymore."

Havoc grunted, threw himself into the back of his stool and blew out a long breath.

A hand went into his coat pocket and came out with a cigarette between his fingers.

"...nah," he said at last, lighting his cigarette and letting it hang from his lips loosely. "Just got dumped recently, that's all."

I was taken aback.

"Oh... I'm sorry."

He grinned, rubbed the back of his head furiously as he threw himself forward again to lean his elbows on the countertop.

"Argh, s'nothing new, I guess," he sighed. "I'm okay."

He chewed on his cigarette moodily, chin cupped in the butt of his palm.

I looked at my noodles thoughtfully, skewered a piece of meat.

"'Nothing new', huh?" I took the piece of meat into my mouth, chewed thoughtfully.

"Yeah. I guess I haven't got much luck with women. 'Specially with the Colonel around, I can't hold the attention of a girl for more than five minutes."

"Can't imagine why," I murmured.

At his incredulous look, I just grinned and slapped him on the arm.

"Aw, you poor thing!" I fussed. "Looks like you're gonna have to start chasing boys, Havoc!"

"Don't even go there," he muttered, dark clouds hovering over his head.

I smiled.

"I guess not. Still, while the Colonel has his charms, I can't see why any girl in their right mind wouldn't enjoy your company. I know _I_ like being with you."

Havoc eyed me suspiciously as I ate.

Eventually, I noticed.

"What?" I whined. "Why are you looking at me funny?"

He just looked at me through narrowed eyes. Then:

"...Are you hitting on me?" Havoc asked slowly.

"Eh?" I smiled, sweatdropped. "No, not really. It's called 'comforting', though I guess I never really was good at that sort of stuff. What I said is true though; I guess most girls are just shallow."

Havoc laughed hollowly.

"Oh, so now you're going to call me ugly are you?"

"Of course not, stupid," I growled, hitting him lightly on the arm. "There's nothing wrong with the way Havoc looks. Only... well, I guess the Colonel gets a class of his own. But what you mustn't forget," I added hurriedly as the dark clouds started moving in to circle his slumped head, "is that you have lots of good qualities that outshine Roy's."

"Like what?" he asked dejectedly, twirling up his ramen and shoveling it into his mouth.

I thought.

"Well, you're a nice guy, to start off with. _Really_ nice, and kind, and considerate, and you care a lot. Really... really _sweet_," I laughed, "which is cute. Um... actually, you're really polite as well; you know how to treat a person, respectfully and all that, but still friendly. And Havoc is really funny too! A fun guy to be around. Things tend to seem funnier, lighter, when you're around. It's… nice."

Havoc was looking at me curiously.

"How are you picking this bullshit from thin air?" he asked incredulously.

I pouted.

"It's not bullshit, it's true! Which is why it's so easy to 'pick out of thin air'; because it's right in front of me, eating ramen, for god's sake!" I smiled at him ruefully. "Honestly, Havoc, you've got a lot going for you. I guess… I guess you're just not having a lot of luck. Which is a real shame, really."

Smiling a small smile, Havoc scraped the last scraps of food from the bottom of his bowl.

"But there's gotta be a reason I can't hold onto a girl…"

I nodded.

"Probably. But who said it was anything to do with you?"

Havoc didn't say anything for a while, just scraping at his empty bowl. Then he chuckled, and swung himself up from his stool.

"Maybe you're right," he murmured. "But the girls I knew… they were good girls. I just…"

"Wasn't right for them," I interjected, leaning one elbow on the counter and looking up at him seriously. "And them for you, if they left you to moon over the Colonel. Just be patient, Jean. And keep trying. And…" I hesitated, then gave in reluctantly. "Look, if you _do_ get really down about it all… I mean, especially with the others giving shit about it… there's one girl here who's willing to listen, if you're willing to share."

Havoc looked down on me, smiled gratefully.

At least, I like to think it was gratitude.

"Thanks, Jackie," he murmured. "Let me walk you home. It's gotten late."

I nodded, and we left the building silently.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Heh, Havoc is so cute! Especially in the anime, and even though this story is based on the manga I wanted a chapter for Havoc because he's awesome. XD Unfortunately, this chapter isn't so awesome... But anyway. -.-;

Reviews are love!

:-bunnies ate my brain-:


	17. Encounter

**- 17 -  
**

I stretched, yawned, and rubbed my eyes sleepily. Fuzzy crimson eyes looked down and through the shabby bag slumped at my feet, and I resisted the urge to yawn again. It had been a long trip, after all.

A half-conscious glance at the sign overhead served to clear my thinking a little. The corner of my mouth twitched, and slinging the bag over my shoulder, I strolled in.

_"Good to be back again."_

:--:

It was a very frivolous welcome I received from Nicki, one that I won't divulge in putting into words. But after the initial torso crushing and cries of, 'You're back! You're back!', Nicki seemed to slump a little, asking sulkily why I had taken so long to come home, it was getting really boring around here, and lonely, you should come back more often, I miss you, hey why aren't you happier, aren't you happy to see me, are you sick of me, don't you want to be here, well why don't you just go back to Central and forget about me then if you're so unhappy here, you don't like me anyway, you're not happy to see me at all...

(-' ')-

After some careful convincing that yes I was happy to see him and that I would try to come and visit more often, I managed to coax him outside to explore the town. A triple chocolate ice cream with extra sprinkles ensured a happy Nicki, and things were running quite smoothly.

Until we hit a speed bump.

"What the--!"

Nicki stumbled, turned clumsily to stare at the sprawled mass that had met rather violently with his foot.

The thing raised its head fractionally and cast a squinting gaze about its surroundings.

"What _is_ it?" Nicki asked, coming up to stand beside me and scratching the back of his head in vague bewilderment.

The thing's head dropped back into the dirt.

I sighed.

"Let's feed it and find out."

:--:

"My name is Ling Yao," the thing said around a mouthful of rice. "I'm from Xing."

"Xing to the East?" Nicki asked. "How'd you manage to get to Rush Valley from all the way over there?"

"Walked," Ling mumbled. "Took us a couple of weeks to cross the desert, stopping off at the Cselkcess Ruins."

I hissed softly under my breath.

_The Cselkcess Ruins..._

Ling swallowed, grinned at us.

"This is really good. Can I get some more fish balls?"

"Go ahead," I murmured, nodding vaguely at the waiter. I took a breath and smiled at the young man. "So, what are you here for, Ling-san? In Amestris?"

Small black eyes observed me shrewdly, then crinkled as he grinned, shrugged.

"Something for my family," he replied. "A certain Stone."

I stiffened, then smiled wryly.

"I see."

I turned to Nicki.

"Am I keeping you from the shop?" I asked him. "I can take care of things here, if you want."

Seeing him frown and open his mouth no doubt to complain, I looked meaningfully at the mountains of empty plates stacked around our table, and raised an eyebrow.

He reconsidered.

"Right, yeah, OK. Look, sorry I couldn't stay longer, but you know, shop to run, customers to see... Enjoy your meal, Ling-san."

I smiled at his hastily retreating form and chuckled slightly to myself.

"He's a real sweetie, isn't he?" I smiled genially, turning back to look at the young man opposite me. A dark glimmer entered my eyes.

"Now; exactly why do you seek this Stone?"

Ling leaned back in his chair easily, chewing on a bone.

"Like I said, it's for family reasons," he said. "The Emperor of Xing is dying. If I can bring back the Stone - and its secrets - my family will gain merit from the Emperor."

Ling crossed his arms, looked out the window with an undeterminable expression, a sort of distant gaze that somehow remained sharp.

"The Emperor is beyond saving, now," he murmured, "but if I can find the Stone, bring it back to Xing... well, it will make the old man happy, at least. Though more specifically, happy with _me_."

I frowned, then realized something. Crimson oculars narrowed, scrutinized the young man in front of me before I asked finally, "Son of the Emperor?"

"The Twelfth," Ling replied, squinty black eyes glimmering.

I closed my eyes, smiled an ironic smile, and inclined my head solemnly.

He laughed.

"You really think any prince who values that sort of thing would let themselves be found lying face-down in the dirt, dying of hunger, scavenging off the charity of strangers?"

"Who can say?" I asked, raising my head again to shoot him a sharp smile. "Things are not always as they seem, yes? Appearances can be deceiving."

_'And the one who is deceived is the fool, Jackie.'_

I sighed.

"Anyway... this Stone. It... is not an object sought after without pain, or loss, or danger. Like I say, appearances can deceive, and though the secrets the Stone holds appear great and wonderful, the path to _this_ light is bathed in blood and darkness."

Images flashed across my mind's eye: a man, holding his daughter, kissing his wife, smiling, laughing.

_Name on a headstone..._

"Very poetic of you," Ling said. "But I understand all that."

"No, I don't think you do," I said sharply. "No one ever does until it's too late."

Ling considered this for a time, almost stroking his chin lightly, before flicking a meaningful look up at me.

I sighed.

"More fish balls, please," I signaled the waiter. He scurried away obediently.

"You are an alchemist."

Ling turned to me for confirmation.

"Yes."

"You know much of the Stone."

"Enough. Too much."

"You have sought it out before, then?"

"...no."

"Then how--"

"That's not important."

Ling sat back again, crossed his arms.

"I see."

Someone, it seemed, was taking a less lax view on my silence.

"Answer the young master's question," the shadow behind me hissed. The blade pressed lightly against my throat.

"Ran Fan," Ling said disappointedly, face dropping. "Don't be rude! Let her go; she can keep her silence."

I felt the shadow hesitate, recoil slightly.

"But young master--"

"Really, Ran Fan," Ling smiled, "you are far too jumpy. It's a considerate notion, but you can relax; this girl means me no harm. Now let the nice alchemist go."

"The name's Jackie," I informed him as Ran Fan reluctantly took the blade from my throat. "Jackie Hunt, the Blood Alchemist."

"An alchemist of the State," Ling grinned. "My, how fortunate for our paths to cross with such a skilled person! Right Ran Fan?"

Ran Fan glanced at me, and it was then, with a little jolt, that I realized she was female behind the mask.

She dipped her gaze.

"Yes, young master," she said sullenly.

"Tch." I signaled to the waiter to bring the bill. "Save your flattery, Prince of Xing, for someone who doesn't see through the mockery. And stop teasing her," I jerked a thumb at Ran Fan, "you know you're embarrassing her."

Ling just smiled.

"What are you thinking?" I asked suspiciously.

I think Ran Fan was about to object to my rudeness, but Ling held up a hand and said, "Nothing, nothing. Only, you know you could be the first wife of the next Emperor of Xing, if you wished it."

Breaking eye contact, he looked up at the ceiling - _still_ smiling - and called, "Fu? You should come down too, and introduce yourself."

A second shadow dropped silently from above to stand beside Ran Fan.

"A pleasure to meet you, Jackie Hunt. I am Fu."

"Nice to meet you," I nodded to the old man, then to Ling, "As for the wife of the Emperor... I'll think about it. Though I must warn you, I'm still waiting for someone."

Ling continued to smile amiably.

"I'm honoured by you consideration. Should I get the Stone for you as an engagement present?" He raised an eyebrow fractionally, waggled it at me. "Perhaps you have something more to say to help me on my quest?"

I looked at him seriously, and though he was still smiling easily, I knew there was no deterring him from this path. A determination not unlike that found in the eyes of the Elrics glimmered in this Prince of Xing's gaze.

"I would say," I murmured slowly, "that I would not have you seek it." I smiled wryly, and continued blithely, "especially not for my sake, dearest Ling-san. But I know there is nothing I can say or do to steer you from this path. So I will say this instead: take care. Be ready for things beyond average human understanding or acceptance. Look after your companions. And be prepared for the ultimate sacrifices."

Ling nodded.

"It is, as you say in this country... 'Equivalent Exchange'?"

I clenched my left hand, and nodded grimly. "Exactly."

"Very well. I appreciate this advice, though it must be known that much of it was already known to me before I began my quest."

"No doubt it was," I murmured, "no doubt it was."

I sighed, stood, and stretched.

"And you're quite welcome for the reminder," I said, tone brightening as I shrugged such dark matters from my shoulders.

For now.

"Only..."

I let the bill roll out over the empty plates, and raised an eyebrow at him, barely keeping a smile from curving my lips.

"...You weren't planning on paying for any of this, were you?"

Ling just smiled.

I let the smile take over, and rolled up the evil piece of paper.

"Ah well; the State can pay for it. They should be doing more for travelers anyway."

I handed over my card to the waiter, who scuttled off to empty it of any worth.

Ling stood as well.

"I am grateful to the State for such hospitality," he said, eyes glittering. "And to Jackie-san, for all her kindness. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise, Ling-san." I nodded to the other two - Ran Fan, Fu - and accepted my card from the waiter, slipping it into an inside pocket of my coat. "I hope your journey treats you well."

"My thanks," Ling nodded. "I hope our paths will cross again."

I flicked a hand over my shoulder in farewell, and left the restaurant.

_"Should you succeed in your quest, I have no doubt that they will, Ling Yao of Xing."_

* * *

: sonryz :

LING-SAN!! O.O Ling is love; that's all I have to say. : )

:-i like fish balls and tofu-:


	18. Forgotten

**- 18 -  
**

"Greed?"

The Fuhrer nodded solemnly.

"Yes. He had been hiding out in a bar by the name of 'Devil's Nest' with a group of chimeras. They were loyal, but foolish, weak."

He observed me, waiting. Then: "…It's all dealt with now, Jackie. I just thought you ought to know."

I was silent for a long moment.

"Thank you, sir," I murmured, "for telling me about this. I think... I think I'd like to watch the rain for a bit."

Perhaps he was taken aback by the strange statement, but Wrath was never one to let on such surprise, and left the room silently.

I sat on the windowsill, watching the rain hit the glass and slither jerkily down into the sill outside, and felt nothing for a long time.

Then the memories long forgotten came back, and saltwater made my vision blur.

Bringing my knees up, I hugged them tightly to my chest, peering blearily over my arms at the rain falling outside, the greyscale world beyond the glass, and the images taking over my mind's eye.

:--:

_Uncertainty._

_Fear._

What's happening? Why is she doing this?

Envy... help...

_"Now," whispers the throaty voice in my ear, "let's take a look downstairs..."_

_Terror._

_"N-no," I stutter, body shaking, vainly struggling against inhuman holds. "Please... no, stop it... stop..._

_"Lust..."_

_Movement in the corner of my eye._

_I whip my head around, appeal silently to the figure at the end of the corridor._

Help...

_"Well, well. What have we here then, Lust?"_

_The dark beauty turns her head sharply to glare at the speaker, gorgeously curled ebony tresses whipping around gracefully through the air._

_"Go away, Greed. You never saw this."_

_My eyes widen._

_Greed..._

_He looks at my skeptically, and I send out a verbal plea._

_"Please... Greed-san, help m--"_

_"Shut up, human wench!" Lust growls sharply, one hand whipping around to slap my face sharply, the other digging lethal nails into my side._

_I cry out, my body instinctively trying to curl into a protective ball._

_"Now, now, Lust, play nice," I hear Greed smirking. "If Envy were to hear what you'd done to his little charge... well, it hardly bears thinking about, does it? The bitch can get pretty... _ugly_, when he's pissed."_

_Lust curses under her breath, and lashes out at the other Homunculus with extended claws._

_He dodges easily, shrugs his shoulders innocently at my enraged captor._

_"Come now, Lust, I'm insulted," he grins. "You think I couldn't see that coming? I'm a monster too, remember; you'll have to do more than that to get me."_

_Lust is silent, fuming. I can feel her nails digging deeper into my flesh, and try not to wince, try to keep as little attention on myself as possible._

He_ seems to notice, though._

_"Well? Aren't you going to come after me?"_

_The mask of amiability on his face is mocking._

_Growling like a wild animal, Lust does so._

_I fall to the ground; I think I'm panting. Was I really holding my breath through all of that?_

_The pain in my side is dull and throbbing, something deep in my flesh._

_Absently, I try to gather the remains of my torn shirt together, but am distracted by the blood seeping thickly out of my side, staining the rags around it. I can see the wounds, the jagged cuts in my flesh._

_I feel slightly sick._

_Something black, white and fluffy obscures my vision, though._

_Glancing up surprised, I find Greed holding out his fur-collared coat to me._

_"Come on," he says roughly, not looking at me "We should go."_

_I look fearfully down the hallway._

_Lust is nowhere to be seen._

_"Come on," Greed urges, lifting me to my feet and wrapping the coat around my shoulders._

_"But... I'm all bloody..."_

_"Never mind that," he says impatiently, tugging me along. "Hurry up; I know a place we can go."_

_Numbly, I follow him._

_:--:  
_

_We are deep underground._

_There is a river of sorts running through here, and a wide concrete path running alongside it._

_Greed groans and collapses against the wall, sliding__ down tiredly to sit on the floor._

_He brings his hands up to his face._

_"What the hell was I thinking?" he groans. "Lust will hate me for it, and the ugly bitch won't thank me for it... shit, I must be out of my frickin' mind..."_

_He sighs, hands falling into his lap, and looks at me out of the corner of his eye._

_I avert my gaze guiltily. Was he mad at me?_

_Greed grunts, scratching at the back of his head._

_"Look, kid, this place here... I'm pretty sure no one else really comes here, or even knows about it. It's where I come, when I'm desperate for some down time. You can come here too, if you ever have the need."_

_A bubbling feeling in my chest._

_I bow low._

_"Thank you very much, Greed-san," I whisper shyly. "I... am forever grateful."_

_He just smiles, and closes his eyes._

:--:

It had stopped raining.

The sun was fighting with the clouds for dominance of the sky, and slowly winning. A few scattered shafts of pale light were cutting through the cloud cover. Soon, it would be a fine day again.

I was still sitting on the windowsill, watching as the world outside lightened and the colour leaked back into it, remembering his smile and feeling somehow that the world would never be quite as bright again.

* * *

: sonryz :  
This was written after having watched the episodes with Greed and deciding that he was a lot cooler in the anime than in the manga, and that I was sad that he'd died. So this is a little tribute to Greed, a pretty damn awesome character, really.

:-there's no such thing as no such thing-:


	19. Sign

**- 19 -  
**

"Homunculi?"

The colonel looked grave.

"Yes. At Lab 5, the Elrics say they came into conflict with a small group of Homunculi, as well as two souls bound to armour, much like young Alphonse is. It seems they - that is, the Homunculi - were using Lab 5 and the conveniently placed prison next door to try and create a Philosopher's Stone. According to Fullmetal, it involves something along the lines of using live humans."

He slid several pieces of paper across the desk. I stepped forward hesitantly.

They were sketches, of faces I knew very, very well.

One of them made my heart soar.

Another made it freeze suddenly, and squeeze painfully in nighttime terror.

I resisted the urge to take a deep breath, or to allow a wide grin to spread across my face.

"These... are the infamous Homunculi? Enhanced - engineered - humans?"

"Yes. Fullmetal believes there are others as well as these three, who gave themselves as Envy, Lust and Gluttony."

He gestured to each picture.

"The Seven Sins..." I murmured.

"Indeed."

I glanced up at Roy sharply.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked quietly.

"Because I feel you have the right to know," was the bland reply.

I raised an eyebrow, but the colonel would say no more.

"Very well. Thank you, sir. Is that all?"

He eyed me shrewdly, then nodded. "That is all. You may leave."

I saluted him and left.

:--:

And now Lust is dead.

The face that clenched my heart in terror has been obliterated.

I have Roy to thank for that, and poor Havoc, who's lying in hospital with a broken back; no movement below the waist.

For some reason, I feel guilty of this.

But now I have a chance.

A chance to seek him out.

Now, finally, I'm ready to find him again, and walk back into my light.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Another sort of filler thingy with sympathies to Havoc (T.T), a closure to the reminiscence and an introduction to the present that Jackie is heading into now.

Reviews for the story so far? It'd be nice to know what you think of it as a whole.

:-searching for angels in hell-:


	20. Home

**- 20 -  
**

I'm standing outside a large entranceway to something that resembles an underground sewerage tunnel. Far away behind me are the distant sounds of traffic and bustling city lives being lived.

_Funny; you would've thought they'd move from this dump after a couple of centuries._

_Not that I'm complaining; it means less work for me trying to track them down._

_But..._

I hesitate, looking at the entrance apprehensively.

It isn't the gloom that repels me, or the dank darkness.

It isn't the sense of a non-existent stench, or imaginary nightmares watching me from the shadows.

It's the fear that they have moved from this place, and that it is in fact, just another scummy tunnel in the big city.

Scowling, I transmute two swords using a sample of my unique life-blood, grasp the longer in my left hand, and step cautiously into the shadowy depths of the tunnel.

I feel my eyes must be glowing, clear crimson oculars in the darkness. They quickly adjust, gathering what little light there is to them, and I step forward further into the gloom.

Far, far away, a drop of water falls.

Without warning something lunges at me, its bulky mass nearly crushing me.

I ram my sword through its convulsing body and shove it off of me.

Almost immediately after I am assaulted by another creature, and then another slithering along the floor to attack from below.

I feel my heart begin accelerate, pumping harder with adrenaline from the sudden, surprise attack as I ram blades through both attackers, setting my jaw grimly before advancing through the onslaught, cutting down my foes with merciless apathy, working myself into a rhythm to keep myself from thinking of the lives I was taking.

Inhuman screeches and wails precede me, and a deathly silence is left in my wake.

But the fear has evaporated now.

After all, what better confirmation than a horde of chimeras that the Homunculi still base here? That the Father still resides in this repulsive place with his monstrous children?

He must be here.

_He must._

I fight on.

The tunnel seems endless, the fight unyielding, the darkness infinite. One after another, the chimeras leap at me, leap yowling and screeching to their deaths.

I refuse to be moved.

I must advance on.

I must reach him, escape this darkness.

Find my light.

_Hikari desu..._

I hiss sharply as one of the chimeras gets through, claws at my left arm raggedly. I scowl, and slay it angrily.

Only one wound, not major, not fatal.

But it is enough.

I feel my concentration, the flow of my attacks, breaking up, find myself starting to struggle with the never-ending onslaught of monsters.

Something like fear stabs at my heart spitefully, and my breaths start to come quick and shallow.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..._

A sudden clang of metal on metal makes me whirl; the bones in my right arm feel jarred with the impact.

Sweeping the blade aside, I move in to attack with my left-hand blade, only to be blocked swiftly, easily.

My eyes widen, and I scowl, striking again and again in unfathomable rage until...

My opponent discards both of our swords, and pulls me close to its body.

And just as I'm about to start struggling:

_"Welcome back, little one."_

Everything slows suddenly, like the world had turned to thick treacle.

The chimeras disappear sluggishly in varying clouds of foul smoke, and the silence echoes hollowly throughout the tunnel.

But I don't notice any of this.

Just him.

Him.

My light.

My Envy.

_"I'm home."_

* * *

: sonryz :  
Jackie's found her angel again! Hooray! _And_ we've hit chapter twenty! Double hooray! XD It's actually quite a bad chapter and now I have immense writer's block so I can't seem to rewrite it any better, so... tell me what you think! : )

:-home is where the heart is-:


	21. Light

**- 21 -  
**

_My opponent discards both of our swords, and pulls me close to its body._

_And just as I'm about to start struggling:_

_"Welcome back, little one."_

_"...I'm home."_

-

I don't even know how I managed to get it out.

Such a simple, ordinary phrase, but the normality of it made the whole thing seem surreal.

The sound of his voice, the familiarity of his hold on me... it held me frozen.

Could this be real?

I don't know how long we stood there, just being, with shadows all around, hissing and growling quietly at us, to each other.

The gentle sound of him breathing.

And the falling of distant water.

There was no talk of how I've changed, or grown, or of any of the time we've spent apart.

There was no talk.

There was just being.

Together.

An unspoken agreement that right now, what had happened, what will happen next, didn't matter.

Just this.

The present is called such for a reason, after all.

And so we treasured it.

:--:

And now I'm in my room.

I look around, because when I first came in I wasn't in any fit state to really _see_ anything.

So now I'm looking, and seeing, and remembering.

Not a lot has changed; still simple, dark, comfortable.

Familiar.

And...

He's sitting in the corner, reading something. Sometimes he'll take up a pen and scribble something into the pages of a little leather-bound notebook by his side.

I wonder what he's doing.

His face is still pale, his features reptilian, his eyes that mysterious, entrancing, deep dark purple.

He's still wearing that strange ensemble of crop top and skort, and his brow is creased slightly beneath that familiar headband as he reads and makes his notes.

His hair is still long, green and wonderfully palm tree like.

His favoured appearance seems not to have changed at all.

But then, appearances can be deceiving.

I shiver.

He feels... _colder_.

Not physically; he was never really physically _warm_, but...

But...

_...where is the light?_

He's looking at me - when did he stop reading? - with a questioning look on his face.

"Jackie?"

I nod, dazedly, feeling something is wrong, like this is some kind of warped dream and my brain is missing something vital. The picture doesn't seem right, doesn't seem... _complete._

Something has changed.

Something important.

And this something isn't fitting anymore.

He's too calm, I notice suddenly. His voice... it's too quiet, careful.

_Like he's hiding something._

He's sitting beside me on the bed; I can't understand how I didn't notice him coming.

Cool fingertips touch my cheek lightly, so lightly, like tiny ghost kisses.

_"Something's not right."_

I'm not sure if it's me that said it or him.

His hand brushes my cheek and he caresses my throat with two slender fingers.

"Still beating," he murmurs lowly.

"Envy..."

Deep dark violet depths, marbling and shifting and so many layers of light and dark and shadow and everything in between in beautiful amethyst shades...

And he knows.

He knows it's coming.

The confrontation.

The connection.

Reconnection, I should say.

And the Talk.

There was no Talk before, but it has to happen, or nothing will happen.

And he knows it's coming.

But I can barely get the words out.

Because I know too, that the Talk is never pleasant, and that if I say the words, ask this question, things will break.

Things I kept safe in my heart will break, and die, and disappear...

_And never come back._

But new things will be made.

And this has to happen.

_It has to._

We have to Talk.

And so...

So...

"The light... where is the light, Envy?"

That's the first thing, the first thing of many. Right now, it's the most important and obvious thing that's changed, and, in my eyes, the first that needs to be fixed.

But I can already feel it falling away from me, irretrievable.

"'Where is the light?'" His voice isn't calm anymore, or smooth, or careful. I can feel the growl in his throat reverberating about the room, and the something he was holding back is breaking free.

"'Where is the _light?_'" he repeats, and I can definitely hear the anger in his voice now. "Goddammit, Jackie, half a _century!_ Don't you get it yet?!"

This surprises me.

_What does he mean?_

"What do you think?" he snaps. "Really Jackie, are you still deluding yourself that I'm some kind of angel?"

"But…"

_The sound of something breaking._

Envy growls lowly some more, and runs lithe fingers through his hair.

"You are," he says at last, disbelieving. "You still think… my god; you've blinded yourself more thoroughly than I thought…"

"What are you talking about?" I can hear the words, but is it really my voice that's so frail in saying them? What does my subconscious know that's making me tremble like this?

He's struggling, fighting to hold something inside; probably his anger. Only a few times have I seen him angry, and never have I seen him truly enraged.

But I know it is a terrible force.

"Jackie," he manages finally. "Jackie, listen to me. Ever since you were little, what have you thought of me as? An angel? Some kind of, miraculous being of light?"

I nod dumbly.

_Yes, yes that's right, you're my light, the light of my life…_

"Foolish."

A sense of dejà vu; there was another time, long ago, in which he had thrown the word at me so forcefully, bitterly.

"I am no angel; surely you understand that by now? You know my true name of Homunculus; the creature that I am is exactly as Lust always told it to you: a monster. Even my name is merely that of Sin."

"But the light… you were also so light…"

A bitter bark of a laugh. His lips twisted sardonically, a sad, wry grin as his fingertips find their way to his forehead tiredly, almost incredulously.

"You really don't get it do you? So deluded." He looks at me with deep, clear amethyst eyes.

"Jackie. There's something you must understand. Something I thought you'd already have realized by now.

_"This light you crave, the light you find in me... is only your own."_

* * *

: sonryz :  
Hm. Apologies for the sudden ending; I promise I'll try and make the next chapter less yucky, seeing as I'm pretty sure I've just screwed up Jackie and Envy's reunion; there's just so much I couldn't get across properly! -argh!- Such a pain.

Anyway.

I guess I'll just have to try and make the next chapter say what I _really_ wanted to say.

:-finding light in darkness-:


	22. Lost

**- 22 -  
**

Something isn't fitting.

Something isn't fitting, because something has changed.

And now I know.

The thing that's changed is...

"Jackie."

I look at him dully; I feel sure my eyes must be misty and clouded, two crystal balls of fathomless crimson fog.

It's been a couple of hours since my illusions were shattered; I'm a little ashamed of how long it's taking me to adjust. He left, not long after he told me, to let it sink in.

That he is a monster.

That I am a fool.

That the light is not his, never was, never will be.

_And that I am a fool._

He's right, of course; how could I not see it before? Envy is a monster, end of story.

...or so my mind wants to think.

But my heart knows otherwise.

If he is a monster, simple as that, then what was it that compelled him to take me into the darkness with him?

I put the question to him now.

His answer is accompanied by a wry smirk.

"Well, if you put it like that, surely it's reasonably obvious? 'Into the darkness'? Doesn't that just sound truly _monstrous?_"

No, not really.

He just keeps smirking, almost pitying my naïveté.

"You're still deluded," he says. "Perhaps I should leave you think for a little longer."

No, don't go; I need you here, otherwise I can't think. If you go, then I can't ask you questions; the Talk hasn't finished.

There are still things to fix...

I'm clutching his arm; I don't even remember leaving the bed to cling to him, but now that I'm here I'm feeling rather pathetic.

He's looking down at me, mixed emotions swirling in the jeweled amethyst depths of his eyes: irritation, impatience, exasperation, hesitation.

The hesitation wins out, and I begin wondering again.

Why does he keep giving in to me?

Like when he first took me in; I remember his hesitation, his grudging acceptance. How is it that against so many negative-- alright _monstrous_ feelings, that compassion can win out through such a slight doubt?

"'Compassion'?" he scoffs. "Hesitation, sure, I have no idea why I'm still taking care of you. But compassion? I am Envy; don't forget it."

Envy... why Envy? Why not Wrath? I know you have enough of it in you, this terrible, barely contained rage at the world.

But not me.

Why not me?

Why do you always try so hard to keep such destruction and rage from me?

He shrugs.

"How should I know? You're just weird, I guess."

Gee, thanks.

Alright then, so why Envy?

He won't look at me. I try to make him, but he just shrugs me off.

"Because that is what I was born of," he says.

Yeah, yeah, whatever, but what was _he_ so envious of then?

"What the hell does that matter?" Sulking.

You know I'm not going to give up. This is the Talk; we have to fix things, fix the link.

...'Why?'

Why not?

...are you finally sick of me then? Really and truly sick of me?

He won't answer.

Hesitation again.

Does that mean you still care?

He's looking at me strangely.

"'Care'?" he asks. "What a strange choice of word. I'm a monster; I don't _care_."

Don't you? Why can't monsters care?

He seems genuinely taken aback.

"Because they're monsters."

But...

…never mind.

So are you sick of me then?

He's glaring at me. I don't like it. He was never this outwardly mean when I was little. Maybe it was _because_ I was little. But again, why should he care?

"Stop, stop! You're driving me mad!" He's holding his head in his hands and shaking it about madly. His hair is flying everywhere, it's great, it looks just like a big green clump of tussock grass with some rabid animal wriggling around inside it. "Just shut up! I don't know why I bother with you, I just _do!_ Be happy with that!"

Alright then I will!

He huffs, and sits heavily on the wooden chair beside the bed. One leg comes up to rest across the other knee, and he crosses his arms.

"Anything else?"

I'm thinking; you'll just have to wait.

He huffs again, slouching rebelliously, and I can't help but still wonder why he puts up with me. I would put the question to him again, but I don't think even he knows.

So I'll ask something else instead.

Hm.

Hang on…

...weren't you human once?

His eyes are hard and dark. "Of course not. Do you really think I was ever one of those stupid little annoyances?"

Why so annoying?

"Because they're all like you," he snaps. "Ignorant, big-headed and so full of shit."

Gee, thanks. Glad to know you still care.

_"I don't fucking care!"_

Mm-hm, whatever. So why are you still here?

He's silent again, sulky; I think he's getting annoyed that I'm asking all the questions, and that they're all these difficult questions with difficult answers to give.

"I suppose you must have grown up _some_," he admits, "to be asking such annoying questions now."

Your faith in me is amazing.

He's smirking again; what are you smirking at? Answer the question.

He's thinking now, I can see it.

And I'm already wondering again.

Why hasn't he questioned my right to ask such things yet?

I decide to leave that for later.

Now he's speaking, but the answer is not what I expected:

"I guess... there must be something about you that my mind hasn't found yet. Something I want... or need..."

So what's found it already? Your heart?

"I don't have a heart, stupid."

He's smiling at me, of all things. Most likely laughing at my stupidity inside, but still smiling.

Still light.

"Oh fuck off," he growls, irritated again. "Didn't I already tell you--?"

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

So what's the thing? The thing your not-heart decided it wants?

"If I knew I'd _tell_ you, all right! You think I _like_ getting pestered like this? Fucking hell, Jackie, you might live forever but you're still human, aren't you?"

That so bad?

"Yes. Fuck yes; it means I have to put up with one of those stupid little fucks all the time, now, and I can't bash the shit out of it."

Why? Why do you hate humans so much, Envy? Even the Father doesn't _hate_ them, he just thinks they're a waste of space. _You_ go out of your way to make their existences as full of pain as possible. What's the grudge for?

(I'll keep the question as to why he won't just get rid of me for a safer opportunity.)

He scowls.

Averts his gaze.

And tenses his shoulders, like he's getting ready to finally get some shit out of his system.

"Yeah I hate humans," he whispers. "They're inferior, nothing more than bugs compared to me. But at the same time… I can't help but _envy_ them."

_…Bingo._

"They're so goddamn ignorant; it pisses me off! They think they're so _superior_. But they're not. _We_ know that. But _they_ don't. And while they think they know so much, their ignorance is unbelievable."

But…?

"But… 'Ignorance is bliss,' right?" He sighs, almost wistful, almost sad, mostly irritated. "Ignorance is bliss."

And this is what you envy?

He shakes his head, fine hair swishing lightly.

"Not quite. It's just… in their ignorance… I mean, they're so goddamn _happy_. I'm so much _better_ than them, I'm _superior_, and I know this for a _fact_, but… How is it that they can be so much happier than I can? They have no right to be happy, _no right!"_

His expression darkens, and again I catch a glimpse of the true darkness in his soul.

"So I hurt them, play with their simple little minds and weak hearts; I give them what they deserve. They're so easily manipulated, the human race, as individuals, families, towns, countries...

_"They're so easy to break_.

"But…

"No matter what, they still have this ability to be so _blissfully unaware_, and… It's like bumblebees."

I blink.

An interesting topic change.

Envy… what have bumblebees got to do with the ignorance of humans?

"Nothing! And it's the same topic. It's just… Aerodynamically, right, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly. But it doesn't know that, so it just goes on flying anyway. Or something like that. I read it on a poster somewhere."

I think I'm sweatdropping.

But he's dead serious.

"That's basically it," he murmurs. "Humans know _nothing_, so they can do _anything_."

Click.

...Wow, that's pretty deep.

"I'm not thick like some people."

Thanks.

Really.

"And I've had a lot of time to think about it."

I relent.

This is true.

"And…"

And…?

He shakes his head again.

"It's not important. It's irrelevant. Humans… I don't want to talk about humans. I don't want to _think_ about humans. I'm not one of them, so fuck them; I want nothing more to do with them than a bean does with an asteroid. I'm a monster, and I'm _good_ at it."

You think so?

"Don't you?"

You're asking me? Me, the girl who thinks you're an angel of immeasurable light?

He growls.

"Are you still thinking like that?"

To be quite honest, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop.

He's looking all sulky now; it's cute, but I'd better not tell him that.

Or should I? Come to think of it, he'd probably like it.

Smirk and grin cockily at me, _"Aren't I just?"_

Heh, yeah, that would be just like Envy, actually.

He may be a monster, but he's a cute monster!

…Aw man, I got sidetracked.

Me and my stupid tangents.

The thing I was _trying_ to get at was: Am I really like that? And if so, why do you still look after me like you do? Shouldn't I be mince meat by now?

He's groaning.

"_This_ again? My god you're being annoying today, Jackie. I _don't know_ why I bother, OK? I don't _know_ why I look out for you like I do, and I _don't_ care because I _can't_ care. I just _can't_."

There's something in the way he said it that's making me think some more.

Is that a fact, that you can't care, or just something that you can't allow yourself to do, in case you lose yourself?

…

I think he's going to strangle me.

"It'd certainly make things a lot less complicated," he mutters.

But if you really _do_ care about me, then it would make you guilty and sad and full of regret, right? Then things would be complicated again.

"What makes you think I'd feel _guilt_ of all things?"

Well, if you can care, then why shouldn't you be able to feel guilt? If you _do_ care, why _wouldn't_ you feel guilt?

I think I'm making him nervous.

Is it because I'm breaking the 'can't-allow-myself-to-care-because-I'll-lose-myself' thing? Is that it? Is that why you're proclaiming yourself so insistently as a monster? Is that what you want to be?

"It's what I am," he mumbles sullenly. "I'm Envy, I'm a Homunculus; I'm a monster. Monsters don't care about humans."

Yeah, right.

And, f.y.i, I'm not human anymore, remember?

…

…I think he's going to kill me again.

"Damn right I am," he growls. "Stop asking such stupid questions. Why am I trying so hard to answer them anyway?"

Ah-hah! I was meaning to ask you that, too. Why _are_ you trying so hard for me, Envy?

"Who said it was for you?"

Then is it for you?

He's silent, and I think I've finally broken something.

An eye for an eye, or something.

_Now_ who's the one that's uncertain of themselves?

He's still not answering.

…Envy? Was I right?

"An eye for an eye," he murmurs. His face gets buried in his hands. "You got that right, Jackie. An eye for an eye."

Something like guilt is bubbling up in my chest now.

Envy…? Envy, I'm sorry; are you... going to be okay?

He's looking at me again, and there's something there that's different.

Something that's changed.

Oh dear; it would seem that both of us have changed, then.

"Is that such a bad thing?" he asks.

I shrug. Not necessarily, I guess.

Not if you don't think so.

Not if we're matching again.

"'Matching'? You _are_ using strange words today, Jackie."

He's on the bed with me now, and very close.

How strange; how is getting so close…?

"But it's just as well, right? Because if you hadn't…"

He's pushed me onto the bed; he's on top of me; he's…

He's…

"…then I wouldn't be able to do this."

And he's pressing his lips to mine, and pressing his body to mine, and pressing his heart to mine…

And the reconnection begins.

* * *

: sonryz :  
WHEW that was a long one! Considering the length of the other chapters, anyway. ;D

Ooh, Envy and Jackie up a tree! Well, underground actually, but you know… XD Anyway, I'm hoping you can guess what's coming up next chapter, and hopefully it won't die a horrible death (-notgoodatwritinglemons-). Non-compulsory, but it's there if you want it. :D

Heehee, question and answer time! I think that's basically it for the Talk. But Jackie's a bit funny in the head from the _last_ bit of the Talk, and that's why the narration's all weird (so no, Envy isn't reading her thoughts, Jackie's just not realizing she's talking or something weird like that. :P).

...Yeah, I'm dizzy too. -.-;

:-fuzzy lights and blaring images-:


	23. Love

**- 23 -  
**

His lips are cool, his body firm.

I can't say that his touch is reverent, but he's being a lot gentler than I'd have expected him to be. His hands dance over my body lightly, cool fingertips brushing over my flushed skin as if he's trying to tease something out of me.

It may be working.

The intimacy... is something new to me.

Surreal.

_Incredible._

My heart is racing so hard, so fast; can he hear it? Can he feel it reverberating through his soul?

I can.

I can't control it, I don't know what to do with myself; it's like I'm floating, drowning, struggling, freefalling, all at once.

He's kissing me again, firm lips trailing down my jaw, down the curve of my neck to drop kisses neatly into the crook of my collarbone. His hands press more firmly against my skin, cup the curves of my hips, and slowly move up, up, up to caress my breasts. He pinches my nipples sharply, licks my skin and nips enticingly into my flesh.

I blush; suddenly everything seems so real, and now, and so discomforting. I think I'm shifting about awkwardly now, hating myself for being such a child about the whole ordeal.

He just smiles, a strange smile that I can't quite place the meaning of, and kisses the corner of my mouth, murmurs against my skin, "Easy, little one; there's nothing to fear."

_...Yet._

Again, he moves down and bites at my neck. He slips a hand between my thighs and urges them apart. His legs, bare and smooth, bump against mine; electric shocks shoot through my entire being. Slender fingers rub and stroke and explore never-before explored crevices and curves. A moistness spreads out from between my legs; I can feel it slipping over his probing fingers, and it feels like I'm going to burst if I don't die right now, don't beg for the real stuff to sweep me away with the tide and drown me in mindless euphoria.

But I mustn't beg.

_I mustn't._

I won't let him have it that easily; he's not going to rule me that easily.

Famous last words...

He continues to stroke my skin; he's rubbing his thumb inside the dip of my hip bone deliciously, and I want to squeal and wriggle about beneath him. I want to become a body of excitement and ecstasy without thought or reason; I want to lose myself in him.

_I want him to lose himself in me._

I think he's sensed the need welling up in me. That annoying thumpy thing in my chest is about to burst out through my ribcage. _Danger_, it whispers. _He knows._

I can feel it, too: his touches are harder, rougher, and something closer to fear than excitement is washing over my mind in subtle, warning waves.

_But he wouldn't_, I tell myself, foolishly, perhaps. _There's no way he'd hurt me like that; he's a monster, but he's..._

And then he loses himself in me.

It comes so suddenly, so sharply, that at first I don't know what to make of it. Soon after however, my instincts tell me quite clearly what to do.

I scream.

The sound rents through the darkness, through my heart, and I wonder vaguely if he can feel it too, if he can hear it in my voice as it tears its way out of my larynx: the agony in my chest, in my throat, in my...

Panting slightly, I force clenched crimson eyes open to look up at him anxiously.

His face is glowing pale in the darkness, and his eyes are gleaming down at me with purple fire dancing in their depths. There is a hunger in those eyes, scrawled all over his face, a dangerously carnal and irrepressible pleasure at my pain.

As he sees me watching him, his face comes down onto mine again, and he bites at my lower lip, tugs it playfully before slipping his tongue into my mouth like a snake, slithering into every crevice in my mouth and running it over my tongue slowly. I close my eyes tiredly, still tense from the uncomfortable ache between my legs.

"There, that wasn't so bad was it?" he purrs as the kiss is broken, slipping one hand around to cup the back of my head, entwine his fingers in my tangled ebony locks. His other hand is already moving down to rub my side, my hips, my thighs.

He's still buried deep inside me, and despite the smooth touches and caresses, I can't force it out of my mind.

_How is this meant to morph into pleasure?_ I wonder dizzily. _It's agony, not ecstasy; only a miracle could possibly make this..._

His face is in my neck again, and his teeth rake against the sensitive skin. He grips parts of me I don't even want to think about, and the way he holds me is so... _wanting_, it almost scares me.

For the first time in my life, I wonder if he wants to hurt me.

For the first time in my life, I _wonder;_ I wonder just how much restraint he'll use on me.

Here.

Now.

Where he has me pinned down, where I can't escape; I'm so deep in his web now, he can do whatever he wants.

And for the first time in my life, I wonder just what it is he wants with me.

"Are you ready?"

His voice is husky and rough, brushing past my ear with a sensuality and lust that sends my body trembling uncontrollably. I can feel his lips twist into a smirk against my skin, and then he starts to move...

The friction is near unbearable, but at the same time it feels infinitely better than the stagnant ache from before. He's moving impossibly easily; I wonder how much effort he's really putting into this, if he can feel any strain at all. If not, I'm very much in trouble. Already the pace is too great for me; I'm still not ready, my body isn't used to this kind of pain, and the bubbling in my chest isn't helping me bear it any better.

Perhaps the chaos raging within me right now is turning him on; I can feel his eagerness pumping into me, shifting impatiently beneath the agony. I grip the coarse sheets tightly, so tightly... it hurts even to do that, my muscles straining and stretching up my arm, aching from the desperation of my grip.

My skin feels like it's on fire; when did that happen? How did I not notice the heat spreading like a wildfire across my senses, scorching me inside, outside, everywhere around me? Maybe the heat is infecting him too, because he's starting to pant, not with effort but desire, and the sharp thrusts are becoming deeper, harder, more insistent and less patient. The caresses have ceased, and he's hovering above me, still working hard, his face just about cheek to cheek with mine, and I can hear his deep breathing in my ear; it send shivers right through me, all the way down, down, down...

Somehow, things are changing without me noticing: I can feel my fingers tingling, starved of blood as I grip the sheets far too tightly. I can feel the every subtle movement against my suddenly far-too-sensitive skin, feel the pleasure gently washing through my body as his legs rub against mine, as his lips brush against my ear, press to my neck hungrily...

And I can feel it.

The pleasure.

Washing over me like a tidal wave, impossibly fast for such a huge body of feeling, taking over all my senses and drowning, drowning, drowning in him...

:--:

All is still.

Well, stiller than before.

He's left me, but he's still here, sprawled out on his back beside me.

We haven't said anything yet; I don't know what he's thinking, what he's feeling, but... Now's not the time for confrontation, for question and answer. Now is the time for silence, and personal reflection; now is the time for peace, and darkness...

And sleep.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Heheh, Envy and Jackie get a little naughty. XD But only a little bit; I find it's hard for me to write proper, erotic lemons and such, so could I get some feedback on how this one went?

Also, I hope I haven't made things annoying by putting them together like this; somehow it seems... _wrong_, to give Envy a lover. -.-;

Reviews are very much appreciated, as always.

:-bleepbleepbleepmalfunctionbleep-:


	24. Life

**- 24 -  
**

The warmth is fading from the room, and the familiar cold is settling into the stones again.

I sigh.

Envy left hours ago, while I was still asleep. I wish he hadn't; I feel like I still need something from him.

But I suppose I'm just getting greedy now.

Soft thoughts, feelings and half-formed images float across my wandering consciousness, and I feel the not-blood rising to my cheeks.

It was so... _warm_. Despite it all...

I smile wryly, and think, _Light. He really is light..._

But beyond that I don't care to remember; there's simply too much to take in.

I'll consider it all later.

Reluctantly, I get out of bed and go exploring.

:--:

My feet tread familiar paths, retracing old footsteps to childhood playgrounds.

Here's the room where I first saw Pride; here's my favourite place for reading; here's the room I always used to practice alchemy in; I remember my first success, a little stone doll, crudely resembling my all time favourite angel of light.

And here's the corridor where Greed saved me from Lust; here's the room where Envy saved me from him; here's the place I first encountered Lust on my own; here's the path leading to Greed's secret place.

I hesitate.

Do I really want to go down there?

Heart pounding, I walk hesitantly down yet another memory lane, fearing the worst.

:--:

I guess I shouldn't have expected anything to be any different.

The canal still trickles through, and I can remember the exact place where Greed sat down the first time he took me here, his wry smile, sad words. I can almost see him, still sitting there, talking to himself, to me; I hear his words in my head, the things he said... and the things he didn't say.

_They're suffocating me._

I walk over to the spot slowly and kneel down, gently place my hand on the cool stone.

Cold stone.

Greed isn't of this world anymore; there will be no more meetings in this place.

Almost choking, I all but run from the silent refuge, knowing I'll never return again.

:--:

And now I find myself outside the Father's chamber.

I feel rather audacious, being here without a Homunculus escort to introduce me, walking in without any other reason than to see it again.

Oh well.

"Father." I bow politely.

Dark honey eyes open tiredly and gaze through me for a few moments before focusing on my face.

"Ah," he sighs, "it is the human vessel. Have your travels been fruitful?"

"They have, thank you."

He eyes me shrewdly.

"You still seek answers?"

I have no reply to that. Do I? To which questions?

"Hn. As you were."

And the Father closes his eyes again.

I start to panic.

"Father..."

"...Yes?"

"What... happened to Greed?"

Empty, soft honey eyes. So... _so_, that I wish they were sad.

Angry.

Anything.

Just not the nothing I find in them; I hate how easily he hides things from me, perhaps even more than how easily he tells them to me.

"He was disposed of," the Father replies at last, closing his nothing eyes again. "His own desires were getting too out of hand, too far from my own, so I took his life from him."

"I see."

"Do you? I'd think not."

I ask the question with my eyes.

"Homunculus lives are not like human lives; they can be... reused."

"Reused?" My heart is racing, though I'm not quite sure why. "In what sense, Father?"

His gaze bores into me, and I feel small, foolish, and childish.

"Greed's soul, if you like, lives on in the Stone that gave him, for lack of a better word, life. Existence. The ability to be. That Stone is within me once more, waiting for a suitable host to inhibit. Once I decide he is ready."

"When he returns... he will still be Greed?"

"Yes, but not the one you knew."

Something tugs at my heartstrings, playing them like a mandolin.

"Is that so..."

Then:

"...May I ask... how was he... disposed of?"

"You might ask, but the answer is not one to be given lightly," the Father says cryptically.

I swear those nothing eyes are laughing at me somewhere.

"Of course. Then might I ask... was it in much the same manner as Lust was killed?"

The Father's face sombers.

"So you know of that," he murmurs. "Of course; you are with the military... I presume, then, that you are familiar with the Flame Alchemist Colonel Roy Mustang?"

I nod.

"Lust's death was not received well, in this place," the Father says, almost conversationally, leaning his chin on the back of one hand. "Pride was most displeased, as was I, and Gluttony's mourning was not helpful..."

I felt something twist inside me.

_I forgot Gluttony was Lust's little pet, of course he's going to be distraught..._

I suddenly start fearing for Roy's life.

"I suppose it was rather similar," the Father speaks, returning to my question, "although Lust was lost. I still carry Greed within me, within his Stone."

"I see."

Again, he looks at me meaningfully.

"...Was there anything else?"

I know what my answer is meant to be.

"No. I thank you, Father. I will leave you rest now."

He nods.

"Very well. Fair winds, little hunter; guard your treasure well."

Only after I've left the room do I wonder at the strangeness of those parting words.

:--:

And even now I don't know why I asked such questions.

Do I miss him? Greed?

Perish the thought.

But if he's still alive...

I shake my head.

Alive... 'Greed' was never 'alive'.

So what is he now? Dead?

I shake my head again.

Existence is a strange state of being, immortality even more so. What is true immortality? Does it even exist?

I glance down at the scar across my left palm.

This body... is not invincible. No body can last forever, not even this one.

I scowl.

This body... is it even truly alive? To exist off the death stone flowing through my veins... does this make me like the Homunculi? Leading a false life, waiting for this imitation of blood to run out of life to give?

But unlike the Homunculi, I don't know if my body will reform after any sort of mutilation, and I have no vague semblance of a promise that the Father will revive me...

I shudder, and walk on into the darkness.

* * *

: sonryz :  
Myeh. Can you tell I'm losing momentum with this? :S I'm jumping about all over the place from idea to idea to half-formed idea...

Things are getting a bit complicated in the manga, which means, because I'm a lazy bum and can't be bothered researching things properly, there are going to be a lot of inconsistencies with the plotline. -.-; It'll probably be mostly to do with where people are meant to be and when, and I'm really, really sorry if you hate that sort of thing, so my deepest apologies for my horrible planning skills and if you have such a problem with it, please let me know where I went wrong and I'll try to re-write things (most likely not very well because I suck a changing things, but I'll try)

Reviews are, perhaps now more than ever, much appreciated.

:-i hate writer's block-:


	25. Interlude

**- 25 -**

"Envy? Envy, I'm leaving now."

Soft green hair swishes through the air as he turns to look at me skeptically, one hand on his hip.

"Back to the military like a good dog?" he asks.

I nod sheepishly. "The others'll get suspicious..."

Envy scoffs.

"Whatever you want, little one. Come back soon."

And then he's walking away, and I'm walking away, and already the distance seems far too great to bear.

:--:

"WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU, HUNT??"

I smile nervously and raise my palms appeasingly.

"Please calm down, sir," I say. "I was just visiting some old friends."

Roy growls. "Yeah, right. And why didn't you tell me? Suspicious, Hunt. _Veeery_ suspicious."

"Aw, you're just saying that," I smile, sweating and flapping a hand at him.

Pulse mark.

"Get to work, Hunt."

"Aye-aye, sir."

* * *

: sonryz :  
Err... yes. Well, like the title says, just an interlude to say life goes on, I guess.

:-living in a split-screen world-:


	26. Embers

**- 26 -  
**

Time has passed, and progress made, alongside the ongoing procrastination.

How does that compute? Well...

:--:

_"Jackie? Good god, you're still here?"_

_Falman is standing in the doorway, staring at me._

_I shoot him a weak smile._

_"You know me," I say, "eager beaver, and all that."_

_"Jackie you've been here since the doors opened at five thirty this morning and you're about to get locked in at the eleven o'clock shut down. 'Eager beaver' is a bit of an understatement, isn't it?" He surveys the scattered papers and books spread out around me, scrutinizes my face. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"_

_"Don't be silly, Falman, why would I want to do that? No, this is called self-preservation."_

_"How is _this _self-preservation?? You look like death walking! No, I take that back, you just look like death."_

_"Hey, hey, that was uncalled for!" At his disbelieving look, I give in. "Oh alright; call it procrastination if you want to be picky," I grumble, half-heartedly clearing up the data around me into some kind of visible order. "I just need to keep myself busy, is all."_

_Falman frowns. "Why?"_

_I pause, stare blankly at the book in my hands with sad, guilt-stained eyes._

"So I don't have time to see _him."_

_"What?"_

_"It's nothing. Right, let's go then."_

_I smile, and take Falman by the arm, dragging him after me as I bounce down the corridor._

:--:

But I know I can't run forever.

In fact, the longer I wait - the longer I make _him_ wait - the worse it'll be.

But I still can't bring myself to see him.

Not yet.

I can't, he'd be... god, I don't know how he'll be.

It's just not time yet, that's all; I can't just go _see_ him.

Not Nicki.

_Not yet._

:--:

"Hunt! In my office! _Now!"_

And Colonel Roy Mustang strides back out of the library, the librarian shooting daggers at his back ineffectually until the last flap of his coat is gone from sight, then _zoom_ it's shooting through me like two intense laser beams, boring into me full-blast, striking the pressure points mercilessly, pinning me down, suffocation, _suffocation..._

I smile weakly, and start to shuffle papers.

An ominous shadow falls over my world, and I start feeling real fear for my lifespan. If this old hawk of a lady doesn't get me, then the colonel will surely finish the job.

"Out._ Now,"_ the librarian orders. "I'll take care of this mess; you go before that pompous fart comes back here and ruins my peace and quiet. _Again."_

"Thank you kindly, ma'am," I say hurriedly as the old lady shoves me towards the door with surprising strength and starts to tidy up my mess with much sighing and clucking.

With a bad feeling spreading from the gut outwards, I slouch towards HQ.

:--:

I knock hesitantly.

"Get your ass in here, Hunt!" comes the summons.

I touch the handle lightly, and push forward.

"Sir," I salute him.

"Hunt what the hell is wrong with you?" is the snappish reply. "Falman says you've been working yourself to death in the library, five 'till eleven. At night. Every day. _For the past six weeks."_

Those infamous sharp black eyes slam into me.

"Explain. _Now."_

"Just doing my job, sir," I reply, all soldier-like, obedient and respectful.

"Suspicious," he snaps back. "What's got your head in such a knot that you need to kill yourself over so much paperwork? What's the distraction for?"

"Nothing, sir."

_Damn he's sharp._

"Bullshit. Spill or I torture it out of you."

_And I wouldn't put it past you, either._ "I'm thinking about visiting Rush Valley again sometime, sir."

Roy raises an eyebrow at me. "And this is a problem, why...?"

"It's... my friend, sir," I say hesitantly. "Nicki. I visit him every time I go to Rush Valley."

"And...?"

_He's getting impatient with me..._

"And it's been a long time, so I'm not sure how he'll react--"

"So shouldn't you be going now?"

I start floundering. "But sir, I need leave--"

"Leave granted. Now go away and get this damned spinelessness out of your system. Come back arrogant and so full of self confidence you can't fit through the door for your ego or I'll send you to look after the sewerage system for a month."

I sigh, and salute him. "Sir."

:--:

Why am I so scared to see him?

Because he'll know.

Because he'll know, even if I don't tell him, so I can't hide it.

Because he'll know, and I can't hide it, and it'll _hurt_ him.

Such egotism on my part.

But it can't be helped, any of it. It's not fair to make him wait so long, to keep running from it, and now that I'm here I might as well...

"I was wondering when you'd come back."

I jump, and curse fluently under my breath; he'd caught me.

"Hi Nicki," I say, forcing a small, guilty smile onto my lips.

He sends one back, one that's harder, and more like a grimace than a show of joy.

"How've you been?" he asks, closing the door behind me with a small tinkle from the trusty silver bell still guarding it faithfully.

_Trapped._

"Okay," I reply, shuffling my feet. "Busy. You know. Paperwork. So boring."

He just looks at me.

"The colonel never does his share, so I've been working overtime."

Silence.

"He's a lazy slob, really; I don't know how he's getting so high in the ranks and everything--"

"...so you found him, then."

It hits me like an arrow straight through the chest; I think I actually stumbled.

Dark crimson eyes shift nervously about the room, and Nicki allows himself a small sigh that sounds dangerously close to defeat.

"I see. So that's why you took so long to come back."

"No it's not that at all I just--!"

I didn't think those eyes could _be_ that piercing. The eyes I've known were always warm, and soft, and full of love.

But this...

"Nicki..."

_For god's sake, _do_ something, Hunt! Are you really this useless??_

"You've always known how I feel about him," I say weakly, anxiously. "You've always known how I feel about you..."

"And you've always known how I feel about you," he murmurs lowly. "And you've always known that it's quite different to what you feel for me."

There's no accusation in his voice, but there doesn't have to be for it to hurt. Even though I haven't, I feel like I've betrayed his trust, somehow.

"…do you hate me?"

He blinks, as if he's surprised, and then looks me straight in the eye and replies firmly, "No. I'm just… well, I suppose I'm a little disappointed." He let out a small laugh, "And more than a little guilty."

_Guilty? What's _he_ doing being guilty?_

"I think… I think a part of me was always hoping you'd never ever find him again," Nicki says. "I've always wanted… I've always hoped that... your dreams would never come true. That you'd never find him again; that he was through. I've always felt a little horrible about that. Even more so now, because I'm hating that you _did_ find him again." A small, sad smile, and he reaches out to nudge my cheek tenderly with a crooked finger. "It's so obvious that you've seen him since we last talked; there's a new glow to your eyes that you never had before."

"Nicki..." I half-sigh, half-whine, smiling at him hopelessly. "That's so like you."

I kiss him on the nose lightly, then on the mouth. I touch my forehead to his.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I've caused you nothing but trouble, even when I'm trying to make things better…"

"Yep; you'll be the death of me yet," he smiles.

"Oh don't _say_ that!" I glare worriedly up at him, "Don't ever say that. I'd hate it so much—I'd hate _myself_ so much if I were…"

"Then I won't say anything," he murmurs, holding me close, and the ache in his grip is ripping apart my own heart as well. How in the hell could it end up like this? He deserves so much more; how is it that someone like me could possibly...?

And that's when my thoughts are cut short, and Nicki decides to give me a proper welcome home, and I am lost in the dying warmth of his world.

* * *

: sonryz :  
...-brainspazz-.

Just got back from a weekend in Auckland; I suck so bad at traveling, my whole body's malfunctioning... I edited this while I was there, so I'm not so certain of the quality... Any reviews, comments, suggestions, corrections, criticisms, whatever, so long as they're honest they're very, very welcome.

-sigh- It's such a long, tedious chapter really. _And_ overdue. _And_ spent on an OC such as Nicki; such a waste. XD; Don't you think? I think so. Tell me what you think--

:-i think i've been thinking too hard so my thinking's run out and i think i can't think anymore... i think-:


	27. Repercussions

**- 27 -  
**

"I hear you've been a naughty girl, Jackie."

I wince.

"Who's your bluebird?"

"I'm my own bluebird," Envy replies drily. He pads over, looks down at me, waiting, hand on hip.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What's with the overtime? All your silly little friends at the military are worried about you, you know."

I sigh.

"Lovely. Just what I need: extra attention when I'm trying to keep a secret."

"Then why are you attracting it?"

"I'm not."

"Don't play games with me, Jackie; I'm tired, and just a little irritated. Why _were_ you attracting it?"

I haven't an answer to give.

"Hn."

He's unsatisfied, and that's dangerous.

"Where have you been?" is the next question.

"Around," is the pathetically transparent answer.

"Around Rush Valley," Envy clarifies, and I slump.

"Yeah."

"...I see."

He's walking away again.

"Envy...?"

"Go away; I don't want to see you right now."

With a heavy heart, I obey.

:--:

"Oi Hunt, where'd'ya go??"

"Huh?" I turn to find Edward and Alphonse jogging to catch up with me, an expression caught between worry and annoyance but quickly dragging itself towards the typical infuriation, all over the short one's face.

"I thought we were going for lunch," he challenges. "Alphonse and I had to resort to the crap they serve at the canteen. What happened?"

I groan, clap one hand over my eyes and pull it slowly down my face.

"...Shit; I forgot."

"You _forgot."_

There is a barely contained pulse mark slowly pounding in Edward's temple, premonition of an explosion; Alphonse claps a restraining hand on his brother's shoulder.

I offer him an embarrassed smile, and look at him apologetically over clasped hands. "Sorry Ed! Something came up and I totally forgot all about you!"

His eye twitches; Alphonse's grip tightens. "...Was that meant to make me feel better?"

"I'm sorry, I know that sounded horrible but honestly I just had bigger issues on my mind..."

A string of profanities uttered in a tone that suggests barely repressed rage and one red shrimp thrashing about wildly in Alphonse's restraining grip.

"I'm sure she didn't mean it like that, brother; Jackie-san has things to do as well..."

"But she called... me...!!"

"Brother..."

_"Bigger issues--!!"_

I can't help it; I'm laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ed snaps, and I giggle some more.

"Oh hell, Ed, I'm sorry, you're just so cute!"

And I swiftly proceed to glomp him.

"Sorry," I grin down at him. "I promise we'll catch up later, okay?"

Pout. "...Fine. But you're shouting."

"Deal. Thanks, Ed."

Enter Colonel Mustang and entourage.

Said colonel points a finger at me accusingly.

"You! Hunt! Relinquish the short one!" And, as an afterthought, "He's much too small for you."

And he promptly takes me by the shoulder and repositions me next to him, facing Ed, who's being held back once again by a long-suffering suit of armour.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COLONEL SHIT JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET OVER THERE I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S LITTLE--!!"

"I think you'll find that I'm well above average, so there's no point in trying, Fullmetal," Roy smirks.

Gasp.

"#\(+)--!!"

And Alphonse drags the infuriated one away down the corridor.

I turn to Roy, who's looking ridiculously pleased with himself.

"Why are you looking so proud? He's no challenge."

The Colonel almost pouts. "Hmph! So says you. I'll have you know that I'm the most infuriating person he knows!"

I think I'm sweatdropping. "I repeat, why are you looking so proud?"

It's now that Fuery decides to pipe up, and make me want to strangle him for the first time in my life.

"So what were you and Edward talking about anyway, Miss Hunt?" he asks. "He seemed rather put out." He pauses. "...more so than usual, anyway."

My fingers are itching, but I have to settle for a piercing glare, which seems to do the job pretty well anyway.

"Uh, um, your eyes are kinda scary, Miss Hunt," Fuery points out, a nervous smile twitching on his face.

"It's Jackie," I snap at him, "and I forgot we were going to have lunch today, so he was telling me off. That's all."

"Why'd'ya miss lunch?" Breda asks. "Actually, maybe the question should be why'd'ya agree to lunch? Isn't he a bit young?"

"I received another invitation," I reply stiffly. "And it wasn't a date. And are you calling me old??"

And then it all goes downhill as Roy takes over the interrogation.

"Invitation from who?"

"And old friend," I say shiftily.

"The same one who keeps asking for you during work hours?"

I feel myself sinking into the floor. "Yes."

"The same one you always go to visit during work hours?"

"Yes."

"The same one who keeps asking for you during work hours who you always go to visit and who you've never said the name of--"

"Yes! Yes! It's that one!" I say exasperatedly, wondering why the hell I haven't come up with a cover story yet.

Fuck.

Strangely enough, however, the colonel seems satisfied.

"Very well. As you were, Sergeant."

Unable to believe my luck, I salute and hurry off down the corridor, oblivious to the meaning in the strange look in the colonel's eyes as he watches me go.

:--:

"...about Jackie?"

My step falters, and I slow to a halt outside a fine mahogany door.

Was that Edward's voice?

"Shush; I'm not sure of anything yet, it's just a hunch."

_The colonel? This sounds suspicious, and potentially dangerous._

I creep towards the door, and cautiously lean in to listen.

"Hunch? On what?" Edward sounds impatient, as usual.

"_Jackie._ She's been rather... shifty, lately."

"Shifty how?"

"Come on, Fullmetal, how else can you be shifty? She's been avoiding questions, skipping work... She's so jumpy she'd put a kangaroo to shame."

"A what?"

Pause.

"...Never mind. My point is, she's obviously hiding something, and it's something we want to know. She's been--"

"How do you know we want to know?"

"Don't you know anything, Fullmetal? If a girl is hiding something from you, they don't want you to know because _you want_ to know. And if you know, then they're in trouble and _that's_ why they don't want you to know. You know?"

"...No."

"Alright, let me put it like this. First, Jackie is hiding something from us. I know this because she's the worst liar I've ever encountered, including you, and can't act cool to save her life. Second, we want to know what she's hiding, because she's hiding it from us."

"Huh?"

"Look, just... trust me on this, okay? She's hiding something and--"

"Ha! Trust you? In a million years."

"Oh for god's sake, Fullmetal, be mature."

"That's rich, coming from you," Edward mutters sullenly.

"Listen, just... keep an eye on her, okay? Just, see if you can see anything weird about her. You're here for a few more days, right? See if you notice anything different while you're here. Then you'll see; she's hiding something big, and we want to know what it is."

A sigh.

"But how do you know we want to know? It might have nothing to do with us."

"Then why is she bothering to hide it from us? I say again: just trust me, Fullmetal. I know what I'm on about."

"Alright, alright, whatever. Just get off my case."

Footsteps.

I hurry back from the door and slip away down the corridor.

Behind me, I can faintly hear Edward asking, "...Just what kind of thing d'you think she's hiding?"

There's a pause, and then:

"...I think, she may have a boyfriend."

I fall flat on my face.

_...Why do I waste my time on shit like this?_

And down the corridor to the canteen I go.

_Perhaps I should be more cautious about this... the colonel is obviously suspecting something, and Edward's going to be looking more closely as well, but... Honestly, I can't help but feel there's nothing to worry about. Despite his supposed seriousness when it comes to my disappearing acts during works hours, the colonel has no idea of the magnitude of what I'm _really _hiding. It'll be fine. There's no threat. We all know how the colonel can be. Roy's just being stupid._

But then, Colonel Roy Mustang doesn't tend to be stupid behind closed doors.

* * *

: sonryz :  
..._Wow_ that was a weird chapter. O.o It got pretty long, too, didn't it? I wonder if it's a bit rambly; I really need to learn how to compress what I want to say in my writing. Anyway, reviews are much appreciated as always, as are flames, fangirling and any form of criticism, constructive or otherwise (because I'm lame like that--)

:-need... feedback...-:


	28. Smile

**- 28 -**

There is a presence.

Slight, so slight, but a presence.

Distant, oh so distant, but a presence.

Drawer closer, getting stronger.

_A presence._

It's itching at my sixth and seventh senses, making me want to cut open my chest just to ease the twinging in my heart.

There is a presence, and it's calling me.

:--:

I find it, maybe twenty days after the initial itch began, and stand silently, observing.

Waiting.

_Uneasy._

Things are not as they seem.

It is lounging, in a secret place, a place I thought was known by only two people (people? Monsters), one of which is dead (was never alive, will never be alive, will never die...)

It's looking at me, a dangerous glimmer lighting its eyes, a small smile twisting its lips.

Waiting.

There is something in that look, something that stirs the dark recesses of my memory but won't allow the connection to surface. The hesitance to remember sparks a warning through my soul. This presence... is something I have encountered before, yet at the same time… it _isn't_.

"Aw, you don't remember me, Jackie?"

Its voice is familiar. I know that voice, yet... I _don't_.

"Or is it that you _won't_ remember me?"

That voice... is _not_ that voice.

It closes its eyes, the ghost of a wry smirk haunting the corners of its mouth.

"Shall I help you, then? Help you retrieve those memories you locked away in the black spaces?"

Its gaze flicks towards me and it stands up, walks towards me with open arms, palms facing upwards, smiling.

That smile...

"Admittedly, things are a little different to how you might remember them," it continues.

_"Things have changed since we last met."_

I let out a slow, whistling sigh.

"...So you succeeded, Ling Yao of Xing."

The Prince's smile widens.

_But it's not the Prince's smile._

"One might say he has..."

Greed smirks, shoves its hands into its pockets.

"...but then, another might say he has _not_."

Something tugs at my heartstrings again, and I silently bid it stop.

"You are Greed…"

"And yet I am not Greed," it agrees. "At least, not the Greed you knew."

"I don't suppose you'd mind telling me how that works?" I ask casually.

Ling's smile that isn't widens.

"Well, I'd say spending enough time within the very _body_ of our dear Father would change your own self, wouldn't you? Even outside of our hearts, minds and souls he wields more than enough power to make us bend and twist for him."

"Hn." I pause – hesitate. "And… Ling?"

"The charming young Prince from Xing is still here," Greed replies dismissively, and I can feel myself relaxing, "but only just. Perhaps, if I let my guard down, you'll meet him. He's a tenacious little guy, always waiting for me to slip up."

Greed's grin widens as not-Ling's smile diminishes.

"But I'm pretty stubborn too, or so I've been told."

"Ch. I'll believe that."

I sigh, "So what now? Is this a stalemate? Though I'm not sure if any body is suited to coping with the strain of housing two consciousnesses."

A derisive snort.

"Do you really think that human can stand up to _me?_"

"'That human' has an awful lot of determination in him," I reply. "He's patient; he'll wait for his chance."

"You have an awful lot of faith in him," Greed says, sounding disappointed. "What happened to your faith in me, huh? I'm determined, and diligent; I'm much older and stronger than him--"

"My faith in you died the day you turned fucking hypocrite," I snap back, harsher than I'd intended, "and you have the diligence of a Chihuahua on speed. _Old man_," I add sourly, and he grimaces.

"Easy on, there; you might hurt a guy's feelings with that attitude."

"Fuck up. My point is that Ling's got more going for him than you think. He's got a _purpose_."

I look at it squarely.

"He has a purpose, and comrades waiting for him. A _country_ waiting for him. He has will, and strength, and _need_. In this," I snort, "as well as other things, he outranks you.

_"He will endure."_

Squinty black eyes look at me shrewdly, then Ling-Greed shrugs and smiles a very Greed smile.

"You think so, do you? I beg to differ, of course. But I suppose we'll just have to wait and see how this plays out, won't we?"

Its eyes are twinkling again as it offers, "Shall we wager? A game's much more exciting if you have something on it."

I wave it away. "Petty foolishness."

I'm turning and walking away; I can't bear to be in the presence of this strange... _thing_ any longer, this twisted amalgamation of memories and emotions. It's so much like Greed, but it wears the Prince's flesh as a disguise... The not-quite similarities and contradictions are killing me.

_This isn't how it's meant to be._

And then it calls out:

"Ha. You know, you're sounding a lot like our Father."

I freeze.

"...He is not 'our' Father. I am not one of his sins, nor one of his puppets."

I know he's grinning at me, casually, confidently.

Stupid prick.

_That's_ a Greed smile.

And it worries me.

"You're blinder than I thought if you think that, Jackie," it calls out. "The Father has a purpose for all of us. Even you."

"He's not my Father," I insist, still not looking at it.

"...No, he's not."

This voice is not Greed's.

"Your true father gave you up long ago. You have no father now."

And in a quieter voice:

"Soon, neither will I."

I turn finally, only to find it still standing there, weight slouched onto one hip, hands in pockets, and smiling.

But it is not the cocky grin of Greed; nor is it the twinkling smile of Ling.

It is the sad, resigned smile of the tired, weary soul.

I snort lightly, and continue walking.

"Don't look like that, Ling-san; Ran-Fan would box you around the ears if she knew what you were thinking right now, 'young master' or not."

A surprised silence, and then in a wry, reminiscent voice:

"I suppose... she would."

And I know that the light in its eyes is Ling's again, if only for that brief moment, and that as it is swallowed once again by the darkness, it will continue to watch, and wait.

_And wait._

* * *

: sonryz :  
Whee, Ling-san! :D And the return of Greed. Man this got weird to write; I didn't think it'd _be_ that hard to make out that that thing wasn't Greed _or_ Ling, but... Hell. XP

Anyway, reviews are welcome as always; tell me what yousa thinking.

:-smile to fool the world-:


	29. Distance

**- 29 -**

Envy...

Where are you?

:--:

"Hunt? Where the heck are you?"

"Colonel?"

"Hunt, I need to speak to you. Spare a moment?"

"What, you're actually asking for permission? Must be important."

"Relatively, Hunt, yes."

"So formal. I guess I can't refuse such good manners can I?"

"I appreciate that. Please follow me."

"...so, am I in trouble?"

"Not at all."

"Has something bad happened? Funny that I haven't heard, though..."

"No, nothing bad has happened as such, I'm just... curious."

"That means you're worried."

"Sometimes I wonder why your name is Hunt and not Sharp."

"Hardy-har-har-har, you're a riot, sir."

"I know. Although I'm not entirely sure why you're so disgruntled. I think it's rather close to a compliment, don't you?"

"Nngh."

"And I have to say that _your_ manners are top notch, Sergeant."

"...Shut up, Colonel Shit."

We enter his office, and shut the door behind us.

I sigh.

"So? What's up, Captain Curious?"

Roy's got a funny glint in his eye, and I remember that he's been acting weird for a little while now. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it seems like every time I look at him he's a-looking right back at me. Unnerving, to say the least.

Then again, I suppose he's not the only odd one... Envy always did say I was the worst liar he'd ever encountered.

_Envy..._

_Where are you...?_

"You shouldn't speak to your superior like that, Hunt," Roy remarks casually. "And I'm a colonel, not a captain."

"But curious nonetheless," I press. "So I ask you: What's up?"

"Hard to say," is the ambiguous reply. "It just seems... strange."

"What does?"

"You, Hunt."

And those infamous sharp black eyes are pinning me down again.

I snort.

"Come on, like I'm not strange by nature," I scoff. Unconvincingly, but it's worth a try, anyway.

"Strange then that you're _not_ being strange," Roy tosses back easily. "Been working away like a good little dog, haven't you?"

"Eh?" My tone of voice is, hopefully, playfully disbelieving. "You're giving me a lecture because I'm doing my job?"

"You've put the finger right on it, Hunt." Roy is giving me a little half smile. "So tell me: why the sudden compliance?"

"Does there have to be a reason?"

"There was last time."

I wince, then quickly change it to a rueful little smile curling the corners of my lips. It seems the eighteen-hour-a-day-for-six-weeks-straight incident over Nicki obviously isn't going to let go any time soon.

"That was different," I reply, and instantly regret it. A cliché defensive cover-up digression if there ever was one.

"How so?"

"I'm just... feeling tired, I guess." I shuffle my feet about a bit. "Been... I dunno, losing a bit of sleep. Nothing serious, though," I add quickly, "just... going through a phase, I guess."

"Of?"

I shrug, rub the back of my neck awkwardly. Overdone? Hm, maybe…

"How do I put this?" I say. "Like... self-doubt? No..." I sigh, more irritatedly. "Sort of like, not sure what I'm _doing_ anymore, what I am, how I am, what the hell's going on…"

"Deep thinking and soul searching," Roy sighs. "Jackie, you're much too young to be going through a midlife crisis."

I smile ruefully. He called me Jackie; I think that's a good sign.

"I know, sir, it's just... I dunno. I guess I've been through a lot of things--" I falter, avert my gaze suddenly - the best piece of acting I've ever done in my life. "Well, I'm just feeling a bit... hazy around the edges, recently. And working takes my mind off things. Gives me something definite to do."

Roy eyes me for a moment, but I sense something close to sympathy in his presence. Then he sighs, and says, "Well, I guess that explains the submissiveness and lack of absolute ego..."

"Like you're one to talk," I smile, a small, wicked tinge hanging around the edges, feeling it might be safe to allow myself a small indulgence at this point.

"I resent that!" the colonel remarks, standing straighter and puffing out his chest slightly. "Such impropriety! Go and do your work like a good dog then, go on! And don't come back until you're ready for a battle! Dismissed!"

Barely concealing a small smile, I salute him and stride out, inwardly elated at my victory and thus completely oblivious to the change in mood as I leave the room.

:--:

I wonder...

Envy...?

Where are you right now?

What are you doing right now?

Why aren't you here?

Why won't you come home...?

:--:

"Hoi, Edward!"

Absolutely no response, the stupid twat is deaf, I swear.

Grinning evilly: "YO _SHORTY!_"

Ping! Up goes the antenna and around comes the infuriated visage of Major Edward Elric.

"ALRIGHT, WHO THE HELL JUST CALLED ME SHORTY??"

Alphonse sighs. "Brother, you don't even know if they were talking to you..."

"Who else would they talk to?" I grin. "Everyone else around here is at least a head taller than little Elric-san."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING LITTLE LIKE A PRESCHOOLER, HUNT??"

"You, naturally," I smile. _Man this is fun…_

"Please clam down, Brother," Alphonse implores, "you're making people look at us again..."

Major Pipsqueak just 'humph!'s and crosses his arms. "Well, _you_ haven't changed," he mutters.

"Who, me?" I ask innocently.

"Yes you!" is the snappy retort. "You and your smartass smug little grinny face and cruel, cruel short jokes!"

I put on a shocked expression.

"Oh, Edward, am I hurting you with my little teases? I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt your feelings! Please forgive me, I'M SO SORRY, I SWEAR THAT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION--!"

"JUST SHUT UP, WILL YOU?" Edward explodes, immensely uncomfortable. "Jeez, it's okay, really, don't get too emotional over it..."

I smile sweetly at him. "Okay, o-chibi-san."

Pulse. Mark.

"You haven't changed one single bit..."

:--:

"Is that right?"

The colonel's voice sounds thoughtful.

Dangerously so.

I lean my back against the door casually, one hand in pocket and documents by my side in the other: the picture of innocent loitering.

I lean my head against the wood, and tune into the conversation beyond it.

"Whadd'ya mean 'is that so?' She's infuriating! Always has been, always will be!" In a lower muttering voice, "She thinks she's so smart, high-and-mighty Miss Hunt the Blood Alchemist ooh, I'm so scared! For god's sake..."

"But she's not been like that recently," the colonel states clearly.

Edward's pause is full of barely repressed laughter.

"Honestly, Colonel? I don't think Jackie _has_ another mode," he says. "It's either arrogant older sister or nothing."

_...Older sister?_

The grin covering my face cannot _possibly_ get any bigger.

"Not true, Fullmetal," Roy counters. "She's been somewhat uncertain recently, and suspiciously obedient."

"Eh? Jackie? Since when did she ever do anything without complaint? Especially when it doesn't have anything in it for her, either."

_This_ pause is heavily pregnant with insinuation.

"Indeed," Roy murmurs. "Since when did she ever do anything that didn't benefit her?"

A sigh.

"What are you on about now, Mustang? You think she's plotting something? _Last_ time we had this kind of talk you thought she had a _boyfriend_. That's pretty petty, and not worth talking about behind closed doors."

"Last time was different from this time," is Roy's reply. "Last time she was _skipping_ work, which is completely with her nature. This time she's _studiously finishing everything_ within _days_ of the deadline, which is most definitely _not_ Jackie if there's no reward in it for her. And it's only just recently that it occurred to me that her _whole involvement_ in the military is suspicious."

"Suspicious how?"

"Why does anyone join the military, Fullmetal? Oh sure, there are a few who genuinely want to serve the nation, but mostly they want the juicy benefits, right? So what does Jackie gain by being a dog of the military? Have you ever seen her do anything flashy with the money she makes? Have you ever seen her using the libraries for personal research? Flaunting her watch for special privileges? The most I've ever seen her do with the money is treat Havoc to lunch, which in itself is strange... But anyway. Have you ever seen her use any of the perks of being a State Alchemist at all?"

"I guess not... But--"

"Exactly!" The colonel's voice is triumphant, and Edward's following sigh is long-suffering.

"So what's your theory this time?"

"My theory is that she's got friends--"

"Well done, Sherlock Holmes!" Ed bursts out, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. "Bloody hell, what do you think _we_ are??"

"--outside the law," Roy finishes bluntly.

Yet another pause.

"...What makes you think that?"

"I see no other reason for her to be here," is Roy's scarily serious answer. "She's infiltrating the system. And do you know how she did that?"

"How?"

"With the help of the Fuhrer. With the _personal and specific_ request of the Fuhrer for her to be recruited. And... we know a lot more about the Fuhrer than we did before, don't we?"

There is another, more thoughtful silence that is, on my side of the door, punctuated by the painful thumping of my heartbeats.

_...Shit._

And then:

"...You're serious, aren't you?"

"I am."

"Then I guess... I have a bit of thinking to do."

You're not the only one, Ed.

_You're not the only one..._

:--:

Envy...

_Where are you...??_

* * *

: sonryz :  
Weeeeell, here's a little set up for the next chapter, with some disconcerting detective work by supersleuth Colonel Roy Mustang. Where d'ya think Envy ran off to then, hm? Oh the suspense! Yeah, right. XD;;

Had a fun little Ritsu _(Fruits Basket)_ moment with Jackie and Ed (XD)... Oh, and for those unfamiliar with the Japanese nickname for little Edward-kun, 'o-chibi-san' is more or less Japanese for midget. XD A cute midget, but a midget nonetheless. Other than that though, not a lot else to say on my part. So now it's your turn! D

:-something wicked this way comes-:


	30. Ashes

**- 30 -**

Ashes to Ashes, and Dust to Dust...

:--:

Envy...

I found you.

_But what have you done...?_

:--:

_"Colonel?"_

_Roy Mustang raises a disturbingly serious gaze to meet my own._

_"What is it, Sergeant?"_

_I click my heels together, salute: "Requesting leave, sir."_

_"Hm." He returns to the documents scattered over his desk. "Reason?"_

_"Rush Valley, sir."_

_"Indeed."_

_Scribble, scribble, scribbling on some papers._

_"...Leave granted. You have three days."_

_I hesitate._

_"Three, sir?"_

_And again those sharp black eyes._

_"That's all we can afford at the moment, Hunt. Things are stirring in Central and we need our best alchemists close at hand. _All_ of them."_

_I nod. "...Sir."_

_Another moment for calculating gazes._

_"...Dismissed."_

_:--:_

_Why does it feel so cold here?_

_There is a sense of unease spreading through my gut, working its way up to my heart and getting caught in my throat._

_Things are not right here._

_I all but run through the streets to LightMetal & Flame._

_:--:_

_"Nicki? Nicki??"_

_There is no answer._

_Something isn't right._

_Something's here that shouldn't be._

And something else will be lost if I don't--

_"Nicki..."_

_The bell above the door sings a final forlorn requiem as I leave the room, cold._

_:--:_

_Deserted._

_This place is empty of life._

Empty...

_"Envy," I whisper._

_He turns, a small self-satisfied smile twisting his lips._

_"Hello, little one," he says. "So glad you could come join the party."_

_And beyond him, Nicki drops._

_My heart stops, and tries to reboot.  
_

(Thump.

Thump.

Thump, thump...

...)

_And the world begins to blur._

_"Nicki...?"_

_Stumbling; why is the world so jerky?_

_"Nicki, are you...?"_

_Blurry... why... why won't the world just... _focus...?

_"Nicki, please, you're not... you're not... you can't be--"_

_And then I feel the dry earth striking my knees, and in my hand the warmth fleeing his fingers, his face, and..._

_"...Aw. Is he gone? How rude, not even staying around to say hello."_

_His hand is cold._

_But not for long._

_Nicki must never be cold._

_Never._

_He's the fire, the fire that burns, always, warm and bright and burning heat fire the fire that always..._

_Warm._

_Bright._

_Always._

_And so the column of fire that streaks from my blood to his spirit and into the heavens will keep him warm as he travels,_

_Ashes to Ashes,_

_Dust to Dust..._

_And finally I feel myself falling,_

_into Envy's arms,_

_to_

_finally_

_let_

_the_

_saltwater_

_flow._

_...He's watching it go; I can feel it._

_Watching his warmth fall away into the blue, blue sky as it breaks and dissipates into darkness where life is void and monsters lurk, whispering into the echoing silence,_

_"Now, your love is all mine."_

* * *

: sonryz :  
And so we farewell Nicki, the warm haven that had kept our OC going when all other light had been lost. I wonder if this chapter seems a bit rushed? But nevertheless a final sort of feeling, don't you think?

Reviews are very much appreciated.

:-pheonix tears-:


	31. Crashing

**- 31 -**

"This is an emergency, Hunt! You can't just opt out!"

My entire body is quivering uncontrollably, my legs only just keeping me shakily vertical. In my chest my heart is beating at the bars of its prison like a wild beast, threatening to break free of my ribcage and spill everything out into the open...

"But sir--"

_"There are no buts, Hunt!"_

Colonel Roy Mustang's eyes are flashing, furious, and dangerously impatient as he tears his gloves on.

"These are not your average terrorists, Hunt, you know that!" he snaps, rushing around his office in preparation; the rest of the team has already left for the battle scene. "Homunculi! Enhanced and dangerous and seemingly invincible! We don't have nearly enough man power to combat these things as it is, we need all the help we can get and god_dammit_ Hunt you're one of the best we've got right now! _We need you out there!_"

"But--"

"NO BUTS!" Mustang roars and turns on me again. "Look, I know you've been shaken up by the death of your friend but _this isn't the time to be weak!_ _Our_ men are _dying_ out there--"

"Do you think we have any choice in being weak or strong?" I snap back. "Do you really think we can just flip off the panic button, slip out of shock and into battle as we please? By _god_ I'd _kill_ to feel calm and strong and able to fight these things but _goddammit_ Colonel _I can't do it!_" I'm panting, "I can't do it. I'm a liability like this, and you know it. Don't make me go out there. Please. I can't do this. I can't fight them. Find someone else. I thought the Elrics were around to help. Send them."

The Flame Alchemist is silent, scrutinizing, disdaining.

"What's wrong with you, Hunt?" he whispers dangerously. "What happened to that confidence of yours? Why won't you fight? Are you afraid? What is it, Hunt?!" he's yelling, "what's holding you back from fighting for the lives of your comrades? _What's holding you back??_"

I'm trembling again. "Nothing, sir," I whisper, "but the knowledge that I cannot do this. I'm in no fit state to be counted upon--"

"Too bad!" Mustang snaps, grabbing my arm. "_We_ haven't got a choice either, Hunt. The Elrics are skilled but they can only do so much and despite anything any of us might say, do or believe, they are still _children_ and _they need support_. We _all_ need it Hunt! _Now!_" He stares me straight in the eyes and hisses, "This is your duty, Hunt, and mine as your superior to get you out there to support your comrades, no matter the state of your personal affairs. _This is your duty."_

I glare at him, a last ditch attempt at opting out: "So you'll send me out to die? To fight for officers I can't save, and sacrifice my life for foolish, hopeless desperation??"

And those sharp black eyes have but one answer:

_Yes._

:--:

_...This is not what I'm here for._

I could see it, the confusion in poor Gluttony's eyes when I stepped onto the field, grim-faced, placed my hands to the ground and crumbled the earth beneath his feet.

_But there's nothing I can do now._

I have to fight, or else...

_Everything is lost._

The men are firing at him now, shooting Gluttony down but it's no use. They can't kill him; even Gluttony isn't stupid enough to let them go on for too long...

Another explosion as the homunculus forces its way out from the gaping hole in the ground, and turns to look at me, half-confused, half-suspicious, and yet another half angry.

"Jac--?"

I slam another torrent of rubble onto his head before he can speak.

This is dangerous, in more ways than one. If that idiot gives the military any idea that he knows me, then I'm screwed. If he turns around and fights me and I don't fight back with everything I have I'm screwed. If I do, and I kill him, I'm screwed.

And if I don't and he kills me, then I'm screwed.

Because I won't die like I'm supposed to.

And the Elrics are here.

Not _here_ here, but close enough to cause complications.

_Shit._

I feel lost. What am I doing here? This wasn't meant to happen...

Poor Gluttony.

Poor Elrics.

_Poor Jackie._

Why Gluttony? What are the others doing right now? Of all the Homunculi this one almost scares me the most. Pride is unnerving in his deception, but the darkness can always be dispelled with light; Wrath is skilled in combat but not in cruelty.

But this creature holds the power of a small child with a magnifying glass, and we're all the trail of ants he found on the driveway. Sure he _looks_ innocent enough, and sweet, but beneath that...

_Insatiable, irrepressible hunger._

And a terrifying means of satisfying it.

And this seeming _obliviousness_ to the pain and destruction it wreaks when set free.

_That's_ what really throws you; that he doesn't even notice.

I shudder. I have to do all I can to keep him from speaking. His looks are deceptive only so far; in many ways he _is_ like a young child: easy to anger, especially when lost and confused.

And thus the battle begins.

I can't even think straight anymore; my movements are purely reflex. Dodge that blow, skip away from the falling rubble, raise the street beneath him and bring it crashing down about his head once more. My world becomes void of anything and everything, save for this dream, this nightmare, the distant desperation that _no one must find out._

_What am I doing...?_

There is pain: annoying pricks in my back, along my arms, across my cheeks... Indeterminable liquids track down my skin. Crimson? Clear? I cannot pause to tell but they are salty all, physical signs of emotional fatigue and pain.

The soldiers around me... they barely even register. The sound of their bullets is irritating, but nothing more, their cries of desperation, pain, command... just noise. What else am I meant to do? I'm fighting, aren't I?

(dodge his lunge, tap clapped hands to his back in a purposeful failure at transmuting him, oh dear I think he's getting frustrated...)

This can't go on for much longer. Something will happen, will change the flow of battle and bring things crumbling down around _someone's_ ears, whether it be by my own mistake, or Gluttony's frustration getting the better of him--

--or the arrival of the Elrics--

--or the arrival of _Envy_--

Pain.

The deep, aching kind that means something important has just been ruptured, impaled or blown away entirely.

_Dammit..._

I choke, fall to my knees; something hot is forcing its way up my throat, out of my mouth, onto the pavement. Sluggish... red... that... _that's my blood..._

I cough again, clutch my stomach (or what's _left_ of it), the ragged flesh where the flying concrete slab had forced its way through.

_Ouch..._

Gluttony is pausing, watching me curiously. I can almost hear him thinking, _Is this meant to happen? So much red... What's going on? Jackie, what am I meant to do--??_

And finally a soldier regains his thoughts and starts firing on the poor confused thing. The rest follow suit with unnecessary vigour, as if to avenge my falling, and war cries rise above the horrendous clamour of gunfire.

_Fools..._

I cough again, wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, and manage to get one foot beneath the rest of me, ready for a valiant return into the fray.

_Right, so now at least I know severe mutilation isn't too much of a problem; I can still fight..._

I clap my hands together, slap palms to the ground--

Strong arms wrap roughly about my waist, carrying me away from the battle.

I scowl, turn to snap at the soldier carrying me away... except it's not a soldier. Not a real one.

It's...

"It'll be okay, little one; guardian angel's working to earn his pay today."

* * *

:sonryz:  
Whooo, crappy cliffhanger! XD Anyway, as you can probably tell we're setting up for some kind of finale here. Yep, things are finally going to come together (or fall apart, as it were. But you didn't hear that from me ;D)

And yes, we've fallen _way_ away from the plotline (which I bet everyone could see coming a mile off except me -.-;) with this random little attack by the Homunculi on Central and all the main characters conveniently in the right place at the right time. Fancy that. Amazing what writers with pathetic researching skills can do, isn't it? -sweatdrop-

Anyway, review if you will and replies you shall receive! XD

:-the end has only just begun-:


	32. Drifting

**- 32 -**

_It... hurts..._

"Shh, it'll be better soon."

_But... I'm not... like you... it won't--_

"That's not true, Jackie; you're more like us than you think. It will heal. It always does."

_But... then... that time... you _lied--

"_Shh_. Sleep. Rest. Everything will be better when you next open your eyes... or I'll have something to say about it."

_...And no doubt it'll have to be censored._

"Just shut up and sleep."

:--:

_...Where am I?_

"Home."

_Safe..._

_Sleep._

:--:

...hurts...

"...Still?"

Yeah...

"...rest some more. It's nearly time; it'll be over soon.

_"It'll all be over soon..."_

:--:

"They're coming."

Who?

"Your other friends."

Oh. Them. Here?

"Yes."

Oh. Why?

"Who knows? For a conflict? A conclusion? Their own deaths? You tell me, little one; you know them best."

...

"...What will you do now?"

...Fight, I suppose. What else am I meant to do?

_What else am I here for...?_

:--:

The shock on their faces, slowly morphing to surprised joy, relief -- confusion.

_Suspicion._

What was I doing here? How was this possible? I'd died, hadn't I? And if I hadn't, then where had I disappeared to after the battle was done?

How had this happened?

I don't know either.

_It wasn't meant to happen like this..._

"Jackie..."

I turn my gaze, blank and impassive, to the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Yes?"

He licks his lips - anxiously? nervously? - and oh so hesitantly for the usually hot-headed bean: "How... what... what are you _doing_ here? This is where the _Homunculi_ are, how did you...?"

He can't even begin to confront the possibilities. I don't blame him; for the show I've been putting on, I wouldn't want to believe it either, really, especially after all he's been through, experienced, known, discovered... Not this betrayal.

_Not this..._

I smile at him, a small, sad little smile of resignment and apology.

"How? I'll leave that to your imagination. What? Well, I suppose… I'm here to fight."

"Fight?"

There is a barely contained tremor in Edward's voice, bordering disbelief, uncertainty and anger.

(and _fear_)

"Fight for what? _Against_ what? Jackie what's going on??"

"Think faster, Edward," I advise him, transmuting a sword easily, "and don't hesitate to be suspicious. If you hesitate," I smile kindly, sadly, "you will die."

There is fear, and confusion, and horror in his eyes. Those deep golden depths... they were never meant to be clouded with emotions such as those.

It... hurts.

_It still hurts, Envy..._

_"It'll all be over soon."_

I guess it will... one way or another.

I take a deep breath, and start to run.

* * *

:sonryz:  
Jackie trying to adjust to having less Stone-blood in her, and the Elrics coming in search of answers and finding a _fight._

If you can think of anything else to say, please let me know via that handy link at the bottom left over there...

:-lost in between-:


	33. Fighting

**- 33 -**

The harsh, unforgiving sound of blade on blade.

Edward is staring at me, teeth gritted, emotions so clearly displayed in his golden eyes as he fights to keep my blade at bay with his own transmuted automail. There is anger, confusion.

_And pain._

"What's going on??"

Slash, clash, clang.

"Why would you do this, Jackie? You're not _like_ that!"

Swish, dodge, lunge: stalemate.

"Like what, Edward?"

Slice, nick; the first speck of crimson hits the floor.

"Brother!"

Alphonse starts forward but his older brother waves him back. Scowling, Edward rubs the blood off the back of his hand, glaring defiantly at me.

"What am I not like, Edward?" I ask softly.

"A power-hungry jerk!" he replies through gritted teeth, clenched fists. "I thought you had _morals_, Jackie, I thought you gave a damn about people, about the country, _human lives...!!"_

I can see the anger and disappointment building in his eyes, and feel the ache tugging at my heart.

_That's right. Let it grow, this hatred of me;_

_I deserve everything I get._

Softly: "I do, Edward. I really do."

"Then why the hell did you join their fucked up scheme?? Do you have any idea how long this has been going on? Do you have _any_ idea what they're planning to do? Or were you seriously just in it for the immortality factor? Are you really that shallow?? Are you really that _selfish??_"

...He's crying.

"Why... why would you _do_ this, Jackie?"

Edward... Edward, don't...

"Immortality... surely it's not for _that...?"_

Don't...

"I thought you were... _weren't you...?_ You were always so..."

_Don't let your guard down._

He staggers back, clutching a shallow gash in his arm.

_"Brother!!"_

Instinctively my blade flashes up to slip neatly through the younger brother's armour, and hover mere millimeters from his blood seal.

"I'm sorry, Alphonse," I murmur, "but I can't let you interfere either."

And a spinning kick sends his head in the opposite direction to the rest of his body while a quick transmutation binds the metal casing holding the soul of Alphonse Elric to the ground.

And as I turn back to Edward all I can see is despair, and betrayal, and pain.

_He believed in me... that idiot actually thought..._

"Edward... Ed, I'm not a good person. And I'm sorry if I led you to believe that I ever was. It was never meant to happen like this; never. I just..." A rueful laugh, "I got too complacent. Too greedy. And I'm sorry that you have to suffer for it. None of this was ever meant to come together, though it was always going to."

"What are you _talking_ about??"

Confusion is making him angry; not understanding is causing him pain.

I lower my blade.

"Listen to me, Edward. Listen closely. All that you have seen is what I am. Whatever you believe me to be, believe it so. But please understand why."

I close my eyes briefly; how to condense this?

"I was in this long before even the _thought_ of you was conceived, and my loyalties were bound to the darkness before I had any chance of learning 'right and wrong'. I have walked this land for longer than you could ever know, and I _know_ what is happening to this country, better than you why it was built and why it will be brought down. But there is nothing else I can do, because I was given life and death by the creatures that set up this whole scenario, and there is nowhere else now that I can place my loyalties but here, no matter how much my soul screams to fight for the lives of what I once was."

_Is he getting this? Oh god please let him understand this at least..._

"This... this is the result of selfishness, for sure. It's only now that I'm forced to concede that one can't live light and dark; it never works."

"Why not?"

I smile. "Because you can't stay loyal to both, Edward-kun, and one side is always going to end up getting backstabbed. All I want you to understand now," and I raise my blade again, point it at his heart, "is that your suffering was never, ever my intention. Nor was anyone else's, and if I could find a way to escape this without compromising you or Alphonse or Envy or myself... I would. But I can't. So now I must fight, because it seems your interests have found themselves in the way of mine. And so, kindly allow me to become a hindrance to your cause."

...He gets it.

_Thank god._

The determination in his eyes... I can see its fire flashing through them again. He doesn't like it, but he knows now what he has to do.

I smile; he will fight.

And it will all be okay, in the end.

_Everything will be okay._

* * *

:sonryz:  
Or will it? I suppose it depends on your point of view. So please, share yours with me; what do you think about what's happening here? Is it obvious enough where this is headed? XP

Apologies also for the failing quality, even as we approach the climax. This chapter is one of the rambly ones, no? (drat) -.-;

:-light at the end of the tunnel-:


	34. Falling

**- 34 -**

_'I hadn't even told them that I could help with their quest... better off not knowing... can't... they don't deserve that... still _children_... inhumanity - indifference - self-interest... I think things are how they're meant to be... I've done my bit... I'm not unhappy with how I am..._

_'...This is gonna bite me in the ass one day.'_

I guess...

...that day has finally come.

:--:

The blade runs home.

In and out and through.

And the world starts to rain crimson tears; the pavement is echoing with lost life, scarlet specks bouncing on the ground.

_That's... my life... my... life..._

Confusion; can this really be happening?

"Jackie...?"

The only response I can manage it a hacking cough, and more crimson life-death spilt on the concrete.

_This... is serious... worse than last time, it..._

_The blood won't stop flowing._

Edward takes a step forward. "Jackie, what...?"

"Stay away!" I hiss, whipping my head up to scowl at him, hand flying to the blade still resting faithfully at my feet. But I can't help my eyes softening weakly as I whisper, "Stay away; I'm still trying to kill you, remember?"

His face is still twisted in anguish and painful uncertainty.

"Remember," I whisper, "it was you or me. And it was always meant to be you." I smile sardonically, adding, "Precious sacrifice."

And then the darkness comes rolling in with a blood-thirsty vengeance that can only force the brothers to flee or die.

_This... is the true wrath of Envy...?_

I can't stay conscious long enough to tell.

* * *

:sonryz:  
Sorry, I know it's short but the next one's coming out really, really soon, I promise! So please don't hate me, and keep the reviews coming so I know you haven't gotten bored/disgusted with me and are still reading. -.-;

:-life is death is life and loss-:


	35. Redemption

**- 35 -**

He's looking at me strangely.

Not strangely like _I'm_ strange, but... in a way I've never seen him before.

_And never want to see again._

Because he looks so _lost_, like this is something he's not used to, has never encountered before, and doesn't know what to do or feel about it.

"Envy... don't... cry..."

He scowls, turns his head away sharply.

"I'm not fucking crying."

"No, you're just unconsciously leaking saltwater from your eyes. Does your chest hurt?"

He looks at me disbelievingly. "_My_ chest? You're the one with a fucking hole in yo--!"

He shuts up quite suddenly, and I see his jaw set as he averts his gaze from me again.

I smile.

Everything was going to be okay, in the end.

"Envy... it's okay..."

"It's fucking not."

"It is."

"Not."

"Is."

"Just shut the fuck up it's fucking _not!_ You're not meant to be able to see daylight through your torso, Jackie, _this isn't good!_"

He rises on his knees agitatedly, and I wince as his movements shift my aching body, releases more of the precious, _irreplaceable_ liquid-Stone.

He relents, settles back down to my level.

"...Is it very painful?"

"Reasonably."

He's silent, watching me.

I watch him back.

And _wonder_.

He's so... _amazing._

Surreal.

_Mine._

Yes, this Envy will always be mine...

But it's time to stop this sounding like a painful love story.

"...Go away."

"What?"

"Go away. You don't need to be here any longer; there's nothing left to be done. You have to... help the others..."

"Fuck the others!"

"I'd rather you didn't," I smile wryly.

He just curses some more.

"I'm not leaving."

"Of course you are," I smile. "I was careless, and I've run out. It's my fault, and it's my time."

"No it's fucking not! Fuck it, Jackie, you got through the last impaling, you'll fucking get through this one!"

"Such foul language," I half-laugh. "You know I won't. I only survived before because you stopped the blood-flow in time. _And_," I continue at his attempted interruption, "you know I wasn't... fully recovered, when I went into this. I've... I've lost too much now... I can't... it can't be replaced. I'm... not like you..."

"Hey... Hey! Don't fade away from me now! Get _back_ here, fuck it! You can't go without my permission!"

He grabs me roughly by the shoulders and I almost laugh it hurts so much.

_"You idiot let go!"_

He stops suddenly, scowls, and finally, like it's against his better judgment, settles me in his arms. I feel his lips pressing against my hair, and the pain spreads beyond the physical injuries into the realms of emotion.

"That's not letting go," I murmur; saltwater stings at my eyes. "Or going away."

"I don't care."

"Hn."

There is silence for a while, but not peace like there used to be, not simply being. This is borrowed time, and it's weighing down on us heavily, urging us to act before all is lost.

_It's suffocating us._

"...I'll take you to the Father," he tries again, but I shake my head.

"I'm not like you, remember? I can't... can't live the way you do. And the Father has no use for broken things... useless things..." I sigh lightly, close my eyes. There's a small smile haunting the corners of my mouth; I can feel it. Can he see it? "I was never... going to be anywhere near as close to immortality as you are. That's why I needed you so much, perhaps..."

Fading...

"J-Just shut up, okay?" _He's faltering... I'm worrying him. Envy..._ "I'm not going anywhere until this is _fixed!_"

He waves a hand over me like it'll restore everything that was lost in a single hopeless gesture.

I smile.

"Hey... Envy?"

He looks at me sullenly. "What?"

"...I love you."

But Envy, you mustn't look like that...

_You mustn't ever look at me with such fear in your eyes._

"What do you mean? Don't you dare say fucking goodbye to me!"

"Don't be childish, Envy."

"_I'm not being fucking childish!_ This isn't it, okay?! I didn't waste all that time and effort for you to die now! You _owe_ me!" He's panting slightly, and softly, "...So don't die."

"Do you think I can help it?"

A sigh of frustration. "You stupid girl, I'll _catch_ you already, all right? I'll catch you, like always, and then--"

"I've fallen too far..."

"You haven't."

"I have. This is it, Envy."

"It's not!"

"It is."

"It isn't until I _say_ so!"

"It's not up to you anymore..."

"_Just stop it already!"_

I gasp, wince, cry out weakly.

Raise one hand to gently touch the one _literally holding my heart._

Forcing my eyes open to look up at him I almost start crying (or am I already? Everything feels so far away...)

There is pain. This Envy... is hurting.

Over _me._

And that... that gives me so much _meaning._

_He... cares... despite it all, he really... you _idiot...

Somewhere beyond the anguish there must be unfathomable rage fighting to be released upon the world that did this, but...

This is the angel that gave me life.

_This is the angel that will grant me death._

I close my eyes.

"...ouch," I whisper hoarsely.

I don't have to look at him to know that he is resolved now.

This is how it was always going to happen.

And finally he has come to terms with it.

"Jackie?"

"...Yeah?"

"You're mine, you hear? And I don't give a fuck about sounding like Greed anymore because you're _mine_. And only mine. The...

_"The only thing I ever really needed."_

I nod weakly.

"So now I'm taking you for myself. No one else will ever have you, Jackie. Everything that's you, is mine.

_"Even your death."_

I smile, and nod.

And die.

* * *

:sonryz:  
Eurgh. So whaddya think? Was Envy too OOC? Was the ending too predictable/cheesy/weak/cliche? Did Jackie take far too long to die? I don't know; you tell me. :)

Yep, it's all up to you guys now. So if you can spare the time, the effort, please leave a review; it'd mean so much to me if you could all please tell me what you honestly think of this story, the characters, plot, ending, anything and everything. Thank you.

And as a side note, there may be an epilogue. We shall see.

:-in death, life, light and freedom-:


	36. Epilogue : Resolution

**. 36 .  
**

_Name on a headstone..._

:--:

"...Edward."

"Colonel."

"Come to pay your respects?"

"What else?"

"Who knows? ...Perhaps you came to spite her, and the mess she left behind."

"...No."

"No?"

"Why? Is that what you're here for?"

"...I don't know. Maybe. I... I don't know enough to know."

"Yeah."

"...She told you?"

"Yeah."

"...And?"

"And... don't... _hate_ her. You can blame her, but... she was trapped. Long before either of us were born. That's what she said. She was just doing what we were doing; fighting for what she could. Only in some ways it hurt her more, because a part of her didn't want to. A part of her wanted to be _human_, to be able to fight for things she lost, and couldn't get back."

"...I see."

"You're still suspicious."

"I can't help it. I want to believe there was more to it than the lies, but..."

"There was."

"...Very well. It just sounds too much like an excuse."

"A reason. Not an excuse."

"...Heh. You really liked her, didn't you?"

"I trust her. Like you do. And what's that got to do with anything??"

"Nothing, I suppose. It doesn't really matter now. She's gone; there's nothing else we can do now but remember her here."

"She isn't here. And that's not true."

"What?"

"There are still things we can do; we can keep fighting, for things we believe in, things she was never able to fight for herself."

"You're being awfully philosophical, Edward."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No, not at all. I suppose... it just means you've grown up some, after all this. So if nothing else... Anyway, you said she isn't here?"

"Yeah."

"...So where is she?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean? Weren't you there?"

"...That was pretty tactless, especially for you, Colonel Shit."

"...I'm sorry."

"...She was cremated."

"When?"

"Then."

"By wh--?"

"Him. It. That _thing_ that had her bound."

"Edward..."

Golden flashing eyes.

"What? It's true! That _bastard--!_"

Clenched fists.

_And knowing it isn't true._

"…She's gone, anyway."

_Finally free._

"Gone where?"

_Everywhere._

"Wherever it is you go after you die. Physically, she's everywhere; her ashes were scattered."

"So she _is_ here."

"...I guess... she is."

:--:

A single red rose, blood red, fire red; ashes on the wind:

"Another chance, little one;

_"I'll be waiting."_

* * *

:sonryz:  
And that's it. It's _finished._

I can hardly believe it.

I've never finished anything in my _life _that was longer than five chapters...

Wow.

Is this an achievement worth fussing over? Please, let me know your final thoughts, because this is truly the end of _Playing the Angel_; there is no more.

(and if there is, it's all up to you)

Thank you for staying with me this far.

-:until we meet again:-


End file.
